Joe G.

155x365
Why didn’t we meet when I lived in Chicago? Fate really can be cruel. I hope you know that if I still lived there, your little celibacy problem would not exist. I'm one of your biggest fans.

Nick

154x365
Will you just shut the fuck up? Seriously. Yeah, I know, you’re super talented and already know it all, but some of us aren’t so lucky, and have to actually pay attention. Nice headband, by the way.

Stan F.

153x365
You’re an awesome person, a genius designer, and a cool professor. I’m so totally lost in your classes, but having a professor who takes into account disability, learning curves, and elbow grease has made them more bearable.

Holly

152x365
It saddened me that you and M split up. You were one of my favorite couples, but now I see that it wasn't what it seemed. I hope you'll focus on healing and bringing peace to yourself.

Meaghan

151x365
There’s a reason I wanted you to accompany me when I put Alex down. You are a terrifically solid, supportive, and strong person. Becoming friends with you has brought many lessons and much joy into my life.

Yukon John

150x365
Just because your job affords you fourteen coffee breaks a day doesn’t mean ours does, too. We really don’t have time to listen to you go on and on about nothing at all. Plus, you're kinda creepy.

R.S.

149x365
You are, hands down, the most psychotic person I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing. You fucking scare me. You scare everyone. That’s why you have no friends. You need serious help. Heavy medication wouldn’t hurt, either.

Lisa A.

148x365
Listen, we’re both fat and 30ish, so let me offer you some advice: that frumpy, long haired look isn’t working for you. You’re cute. You should embrace your corpulence and get a haircut that flatters your face.

Red

147x365
Keeping our relationship a secret wasn’t hard until you ruined it by messing around with Diane. How was I supposed to keep my mouth shut while she bragged about her “conquest” with you? I had you first.

Lisa L.

146x365
I was dumbfounded that you hid your pregnancy from your father by wearing a housecoat all the time. Was he blind? I hope whoever adopted your baby gave her a better life than your parents gave you.

Gregory

145x365
I don’t know what I saw in you, other than I thought you looked like Alistair from “You Can’t Do That on Television.” You were total white trash. I wonder what menial job you’re stuck in now.

Carl

144x365
I’m sorry I was so mean to you. I was a terrible girlfriend, and I’m sorry I ruined your friendship with Gregory. But come on, we were 14. And if it’s any consolation, it wasn’t worth it.

Jimi

143x365
You had three strikes against you before we even got to our destination. You’re an idiot, a jerk, and a boor. That’s why I wouldn’t go out with you again. Your cheesy moustache didn’t help matters, either.

Craig W.

142x365
I can’t figure out if you like me, hate me, or just think I’m ridiculous. Sometimes I think it might be a little of each. In any case, I think you’re cool and I admire your stoicism.

James

141x365
Three years, thousands upon thousands of phone minutes, emails, and flight miles, countless gifts, cards, and postage…for what? Thanks for wasting time, energy, and money I could have spent doing something much more fulfilling with my life.

Tom

140x365
So I asked you out on a date. Big deal. You didn't have to freak out and act like such a weirdo about it when a simple "no" would have sufficed. Oh well. It’s your loss, anyway.

Dr. Cox

139x365
I loved that you took a holistic approach to my therapy instead of just hooking me up to a machine and leaving me there like the other guys. You helped so much, and I often recommend you.

Chase

138x365
The next time someone says I talk a lot, I’m going to introduce them to you. I’ve never met someone with so much to say – so early in the morning no less. You totally crack me up.

Ruby

137x365
I alternately hope and fear the astrological predictions of you turning out like me are true. You have the advantage, though, of parents much better equipped to deal with it than mine were. Have fun with it!

Kaura

136x365
From the minute I saw you born, you have never ceased to impress, amaze, and amuse me. I wish I could spend more time with you, but I think your mom is afraid I might corrupt you.

Maeve

135x365
You’re only six years old, but you’re already a fabulously intelligent, creative, funny, caring person. No surprise, given your parentage, of course. I can’t wait to see what you do to this world when you’re grown up.

Andrew

134x365
I can’t decide if it’s your cocky attitude, your weirdly angular shape, or your pupil-less eyes, but something about you just really rubs me the wrong way. I know it’s juvenile, but I really can’t stand you.

Kim D.

133x365
“How much are stamps in New Hampshire?” I liked that you wore “Dumb Blonde” like a badge of honor, and sprayed your hair impossibly high. Donuts in mud, eggs, and Beam always make me think of you.

Steve P.

132x365
You were a fun roommate. Remember the song I made up about the “Bill Mar (E miiiinnooooooooor!) Fancy Turkey Breast?” I still can’t believe you got drunk and slept with my friend while she was visiting.

Wendy M.

131x365
You were hilarious. I really liked you and wish we could’ve stayed friends, but after the Kristine situation it was kind of impractical. I picked up your book a few years ago and thought it was fantastic.

Kristine

130x365
I exhausted you and caused our friendship to crash and burn. In my defense, you were my first real girlfriend in Chicago, and I guess I just didn’t know the proper protocol for female friendship. I’m sorry.

Brett

129x365
It wasn’t until I found myself on the other side of a similar situation that I understood you. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. You’re a really good guy. I hope you found someone who appreciates that.

Thom

128x365
You seemed awesome, but you’ve turned out to be one truly fucked-up individual. False modesty, dubious history, two failed marriages, endless drama - all red flags. I really wish I’d something nicer to say about you right now.

NM

127x365
Why do you sniff your fingers all the time? You are neurotic, obnoxious, paranoid, and obsessive. No wonder your wife hates you. You would be cute if you weren't such a weirdo freak. You annoy me immensely.

Tall Mocha, No Whip

126x365
Okay, so you’re hot and you know it. Do you REALLY have to do that “sexy eyes” thing when we hand you your change? I mean, come on - you even do it to the guys. Stop it!

Cowboy John

125x365
You’re crazy and you make no excuses for it. You just do your thing; a cowboy one day, a gangsta the next, a soldier after that. I just wish you wouldn’t change your costumes in our bathroom.

Mary Lou

124x365
Someone told me you were beautiful before the mental illness set in. You sure do love your nails and your Avon, but do you have to make yourself look like Mrs. Potatohead? Just how ill are you?

Tim

123x365
I get excited to see you every morning, and I wonder if you know that I find you incredibly attractive. Unfortunately, your wife probably does, too. She’s a lucky lady. Oh well. I can still look, right?

Twice in a lifetime!

Well, I *had* a photo of the event, but for some reason the memory stick on my camera shit the bed, and I lost all my photos - like, all 400-some-odd photos from the last year, and I'm feeling a little sick over that. I have NO idea how it happened. It was fine this afternoon, and I got home tonight and *poof* they were all gone.

So you'll just have to take my word for it...but I met Henry Rollins AGAIN!

He played an intimate little show in Rochester last night, and I braved the harsh elements to drive out there. Luckily I'd had the wherewithal to anticipate nasty weather and the late hour at which I'd be getting out of the show, so I booked a room and stayed the night. I was on the guest list, so I got into the show for free, but there was no backstage pass deal this time. This time I just went outside and waited by his bus with the rest of the folks willing to stand in freezing rain to meet The Man. We waited about 15 minutes, and when he exited the building, he came up to us and said, "You are all out of your fucking minds!" We laughed and he came up to each of us. I showed him the photo from the last time we met, and though he didn't remember me, he told me he was glad I could make it out. The visit this time was much more rushed, mainly due to the weather (it really was nasty - I had photos of my ice-crusted car as well, but those evaporated with the rest of them), but still he took the time to autograph my copy of A Dull Roar (see attached photo taken post-memory stick-crash) and pose for a photo (which was one of the ones lost in said crash). I'm consoling myself over the loss of the photo by reminding myself how awful I looked in it. Ha.

Anyway, in light of this awesome event, I'm dedicating today's x365 to Henry!

Henry

122x365

You are, in every sense, a Renaissance Man for our generation. You've been my hero ever since your words saved my life (I'm not kidding - they did). I'm glad I got to tell you that in person.

Garrett

121x365
You are so weird. Sometimes it’s a good, fun weird, sometimes it’s a "dude, what the fuck?” weird. Maybe it’s because you’re from Indiana, I don’t know, but sometimes you’re just over the top. Like, way over.

Jeremy

120x365
I had such a crush on you, even though you were much younger than me. Then I saw your Facebook profile and found out you were a staunch conservative. The crush went away pretty quickly after that.

Paul B.

119x365

You were so cute, and I was devastated when we broke up. I think your mom thought I was devil spawn, but she still let us hang out in your room, which I thought was pretty cool.

Dot

118x365
Your eyes were sunken and watery with age, but you were cool, sassy, funny, and you let my boyfriend’s band practice in your basement. We’d sit and listen from upstairs, talking and smoking until they were finished.

Melanie

117x365
You're the only woman I know who can pull off the goth thing at your age. You're gorgeous. I was stunned when I found out you're thirteen years older than I thought you were. I'm slightly jealous.

Eric B.

116x365
The wife and kids do nothing to fool anyone. You lisp, you swing your hips when you walk, and you tack "a-licious" onto every other word. You are as gay as the day is long, pal.

Barb C.

115x365
I've been in this program for three years, and yet you still look at me like I am from outer space when I talk to you. Am I really that unmemorable, or are you just that oblivious?

Bonnie

114x365
I used to get so pissed when I'd haul my tired ass to your 8:00 class and then you wouldn't show up. I wonder if you know we all joke about you being a drunk.

Dan P.

113x365
I like you, think you're a good kid, and your talent blows me away. I just hope you move somewhere else after graduation, because I'll never get a job as long as you're in the same town.

Matt Q.

112x365
You're like the number one selling real estate agent in the region. Your face and name are everywhere in this town. You stop for coffee three times a day. Why do you never leave a fucking tip?

Michael W.

111x365
I was never quite sure if you had a crush on me or if I was just that intimidating, but you always seemed so nervous around me, with that weird giggle and those sweat beads on your forehead.

Uncle Guy

110x365
I live in constant fear of you dropping by here without warning. I was mortified that time you left me the message telling me to clean up my mess. I felt like I was ten years old.

Bob Jones

109x365
I used to sit out on the patio and talk to you every day. After a year I still didn't know your name. I had to ask six people before I finally found someone who knew it.

Michael J.

108x365
"Stinky stinky stinky, pew pew pew!" God we laughed so hard about that. I thought you were cute and funny, and I wished you hadn't had all those damn kids. I would have hit on you otherwise.

Hollane

107x365
You were obnoxious, but funny enough to make up for it. I thought it was ridiculous that you named your twin children after foreign countries. You looked like Angie Stone, but hated when people told you so.

Andrea A.

106x365
I thought you were beautiful and funny and a damn good actress. Last I heard you'd married Mark and moved to Maine. I hope you did something with your talent. It'd be a waste if you didn't.

Brian H.

105x365
You were a weird one - a poet, a stand-up comic, and a raging alcoholic who looked like Brad Pitt. I bought my bike because of you. One day you just disappeared. Where the hell did you go?

Chris R.

104x365
When I first saw you, I thought I was really going to enjoy having you as a professor because you were cute. But I soon grew to dislike you, as you managed to teach me absolutely nothing.

Lynne

103x365
"I'm not losing a friend, I'm gaining a friend-in-law!" is what I said on your wedding day. I've never been happier for a friend than I was on the day Gus married you. I love happy endings!

Gus

102x365
Hard to believe we met on a blind date all those years ago. I'm glad things worked out the way they did. You are one of my best friends, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Tim

101x365
Sorry it didn't work out, but it just wasn't meant to be. I understood that then, I understand it now, and I'm glad there were no hard feelings. Glad you thought the "dumb hillbilly" comment was funny.

Michael

100x365
You’re the only one who’s ever understood me the way I needed to be understood, who knew me 100%, and who ever loved me the way I deserved to be loved. It’s a hell of a yardstick.

Dad

99x365
People think I'm kidding, but I'm serious when I say part of what's motivating me to lose weight is the fact that you're undoubtedly going to die soon, and I want to look hot for your funeral.

"Special" Girl

98x365
When you first started coming in I thought, "Wow! How cool! That girl is so independent! Good for her!" But then you were rude to me and now I think, "Wow! That girl is a real bitch!"

Dancing Roberto

97x365
You dance to whatever's on your headphones, but sometimes I think you're dancing to whatever's in your head. I saw you buying 80's tapes at Goodwill once. You make me smile because you always look so happy.

Angela

96x365
I marvel at the fact that someone so young has so much insight. I often forget that you’re so much younger than me because you’re so much more mature. Thanks for restoring my faith in Generation Z.

Ed

95x365
It is kind of weird how we live like ten houses away from each other, we talk, and you know all about me, but we never see each other. Even still I consider you a good friend.

Steve M.

94x365
You blew back into my life for a few months, and now you’ve disappeared again, undoubtedly because of the new flame. I wonder - was the termination of our friendship her idea? She must be really insecure.

Stan

93x365
You’re a really super sweet guy, and I’m flattered by the attention and compliments. But you kind of squick me out a little. I guess I just can’t get past the missing teeth and the weird beard.

Trish

92x365
When I sat at your desk and cried, I felt like an ass. But it was all so overwhelming, and the fact that you understood made me cry even harder. Thanks for the inspiration. I’ll miss you.

Lydia

91x365
I love our cocktail conversations. Some think you’re mean and crazy; I think you’re a sweet, highly intelligent, eccentric academic. And I feel like I just might want to grow up to be a little like you.

John K.

90x365
How long are you out of jail for this time? Try not to violate your parole again okay? I didn’t like it when the police descended upon my house looking for you that time. It was scary.

Ilsa

89x365
Sorry if my music is too loud. But then again, I put up with constant doors slamming and nonstop ins and outs, so I think we’re even. It was weird when you hugged me after Alex died.

Fran

88x365
I’m really sorry about that whole “Wow, you got your teeth fixed!” thing. I guess I didn’t think it was an insult at the time. I was just surprised…and they really did look good, dentures or not.

Christopher

87x365
D’oh, heh? C is for laap! Who baynest! Beud about little Hejnu! Condolums! Famlums! Mmnnnyeeesss! It’s a testament to our friendship that we have entire conversations consisting of noises, yet understand each other perfectly. I love you.

Mike M.

86x365
I liked you the minute I met you. I wish I could do more for our group, but I know you understand and appreciate what I can do. You’re phenomenal that way (and in many others, too).

Jenn

85x365
What is there to say about someone you’ve known for 22 years? “Blessed” is the only word I can come up with for what it means to have you as a friend. You’re the truest person I know.

Veronica

84x365
I’ve always been drawn to bass players. I don’t know what it is. But you’re pretty cool, and a really nice person on top of it. I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you in the recent past.

Molly

83x365
You comforted me as I lay sobbing over Alex’s body. You gave me a sympathy card. Six months prior to that, you were doing everything in your power to get me fired. Seriously, that’s pretty fucked up.

Niki

82x365
Remember how Gene called me your “wife?” I loved those marathon phone calls that lasted into the morning. Last I heard you’d lost your mind. We were so close, and now I don’t even know if you’re alive.

Puneet

81x365
The truth is that I didn’t trust you at first. But then I realized it was just the situation that made me uneasy. But I’m glad it worked out, and glad Colleen married you instead of Russ.

Aunt Margaret

80x365
You saw the truth, and your love and caring have meant so much. Thank you for being the kindest person I know. Also, your patience with #79 is amazing. You should just tell her to simmer down.

Kathleen

79x365
You are completely insane. I don’t think you understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you, it doesn’t stop turning when you show up, and it does not owe you a fucking sandwich. Please just chill out!

Maggie

78x365
When you got engaged, I was excited for you. When you bought your house I was thrilled for you. You are genuinely one of my favorite people, and I’m really enjoying watching it all come together for you.

AJ

77x365
You made the best chicken sandwiches, and cheaper than the guy on the next block. Sometimes you gave us free food, and we gave you a break on produce. I still thought you were kind of smarmy.

Wild Man Dave

76x365
You let me sit in the cab of a semi you were working on once. I only met you a few times, but I thought you were cool. I sometimes wish you were still dating my mom.

Karen

75x365
More than ten years later, I still cry about the breakup sometimes. Not because I miss him, but because I would have really loved to have you as my mother-in-law. I like that we’ve kept in touch.

Mike E.

74x365
When my mom told me about the murders, I didn’t expect to hear your name in there. Sorry you met with such a horrible fate. You were a jackass, but you didn’t deserve to die like that.

A.B.

73x365
It’s funny to me that you seem to have the same issues with everyone no matter where you go. And yet you still proclaim yourself a victim of everyone else’s shortcomings. Ever think it might be you?

Pittsburgh Dave

72x365
You probably had no idea that I called you “Amazing Dave.” That’s okay, because by the last time I saw you, I didn’t think you were so amazing. In fact you annoyed the shit out of me.

Justin J.

71x365
Being your “partner in crime” was pretty fun. You made me laugh, but most of all you made me forget my age. Sorry about that whole bandaid thing. I didn’t know Stan would go off like that.

Mobe

70x365
You were enormous, but your ego was even bigger. The truth was that you had to compensate for the fact that you were a really lousy lover, and you knew it. You didn’t fool me at all.

Ronnie

69x365
I saw you sitting at our kitchen table, your head bent over a cup of coffee. My mom told me that you were drunk and your parents wouldn’t let you in. That used to happen a lot.

Pat K.

68x365
We sold ski masks. I put one on and stood at the service desk window. You screamed and we nearly died laughing. That was in the days before you could get in trouble for such a thing.

Staci

67x365
You pretended to be so concerned about me, proffered to have my best interests at heart. But all along you were looking for me to screw up. I missed you until I found out you’d done that.

Jimmer

66x365
You’re a nice enough guy, and you mean well, but I just don’t have the patience sometimes. Even still, the effort is certainly appreciated, and that was awfully nice of you to remember my birthday last year.

August

65x365
You were so condescending, following me around like you thought I’d steal something. Then I addressed you by name at C’s opening, and you changed. So did your hair - it’s huge (completely unrelated events, of course).

Liz H.

64x365
I think it’s pretty cool that you maintain such patience with me, despite the fact that I’m probably the biggest waste of time you’ve ever taught. But I have fun trying anyway, and I enjoy your company.

Quincy

63x365
The sexual tension between us was all too obvious. But even after I quit the job and it was no longer an issue, I still don’t think it would’ve been a good idea to act on it.

Love is all around us...and it f***ing sucks!

Caution: Relatively profane post. You have been warned.

So much for this being my Best Year Ever. It's done nothing but suck since the stroke of midnight on January 1st. Seriously, what is wrong with people? What is wrong with me?

Next month is February. February means Valentine's Day. Fuck that shit. Every year I put together the "Single Girls' Night Out" on V-Day where I get a bunch of single girl friends together and we go out and do something fun. One year it was dinner, drinks, and karaoke. One year it was just dinner. Last year it was improv comedy. I will be doing it again this year, for its fourth annual occasion. And while thinking about what to do this year, I started feeling a little pissy. Why is it that FOUR YEARS in a row now I've had to do this? And even before the Single Girls' Night Out inception, Valentine's Day held very little water. The year before I started doing it I was involved in a shaky long-distance thing. The year before that I was single. The year before that I was single. And the year before that...I was single. In fact I haven't had an actual Valentine since 2001 (Hi Tim, I know you're reading this - see? I remembered). So, with the exception of one lousy/questionable year in 2004 when I didn't even get a phone call so I'm not even sure whether to count it or not, it's been SEVEN years since I've had anyone "special" to celebrate Valentine's Day with.

Okay, say what you want about the commercialization and Hallmarked bastardization of the holiday, but you have to remember that I am a romantic. And a hopeless one at that. I cry at weddings of people I don't even know. I cry at sappy movies. I cry at church. I cry at fucking theatre curtain calls, fercripessake. I'm very easily emotionally overwhelmed, and I'm a little fragile at times.

It's getting harder and harder, though, to not be bitter and barmy, full of venom and bile as I walk through the stores and am bombarded with stupid red and pink lacy displays, and the word "love" thrown into my path in 4-foot high letters. It's getting more and more pitiful each time I throw down ten bucks for another bouquet of Gerberas for myself. Every movie I watch with just my cats for company brings me down a little more. With every card I think of buying my mom, I feel more and more the loser I have become.

I KNOW that I have to stop looking for it. I KNOW that I have to leave it up to fate and stop manipulating situations in my favor only to be crushed when they don't work out. But, shit...how much of this crap do I have to wade through before I find that gem, that ONE good person who's in the same place as I am? I hadn't been actively looking until recently, and then I finally had my life in a place where I was ready to share it with someone, and it's just not happening.

*sigh*

I used to really like being single. Now...not so much. This sucks. And I wish every store in the world would burn down between now and Valentine's Day. St. Pat's Day never looked so good.

Gramma Olive

62x365
The only memory I really have of you is that you lived in Canada and had one leg. I was six when you died. I wanted to go to the funeral, but my mom wouldn’t take me.

Beth B.

61x365
You were the first teacher to ever acknowledge that I had any talent for writing. I thought you were awesome. You had a southern accent, put mustard on your fries, and had a cameo in “Sixteen Candles.”

Mrs. Reed

60x365
I remember seeing you at the Southgate Plaza the summer after third grade. I was excited and astounded that you would be anywhere other than the school. I guess I didn’t realize that teachers had lives, too

Donnie

59x365
I was eating a continental breakfast and reading a complimentary newspaper when I saw your obituary. I went to the wake. Your brother said you were an alcoholic and died of liver failure. You were only 35.

Scott O.

58x365
You bullied me relentlessly and I decided to fight back one day. It was a cool idea until I hit Leah in the mouth with my Pigs in Space lunchbox as I threw the punch at you.