Sarah Mills

307x365
You were an insufferably depressed, messy, immature roommate. You moved out by throwing your trash-bagged belongings out your bedroom window. At least we got a laugh out of it when Alex crapped in your empty room afterwards.

Booch

306x365
Your mom was unsympathetic to your financial plight until she found out you had no cigarettes. Two days later a carton of Winstons arrived in the mail. You were from “Medfehd” and were the funniest roommate ever.

Bartender at the Pink

305x365
I came in night after night, alone, and I’d sit quietly nursing my beer, thinking and people watching. You always gave me good service and something nice to look at, and I secretly nicknamed you “Captain Youngbeard.”

Alex M.

304x365
Of all my friends’ husbands, you’re my favorite. Easy-going, comfortable company, you’re an amazing husband and father to two people I hold very dear. That makes you more than just Jenn’s husband; you’re my friend as well.

Michael G.

303x365
You are immensely fucking creepy. Do you know how it looks when you constantly meet young boys in our parking lot? We call you “The Pedophile.” I shudder to think that our speculations are true. OMG. Yuck.

Steve H.

302x365
You’re a fantastic neighbor, but when I’m hurrying off to work I don’t have time to chit-chat. I just hope you understand I’m not blowing you off – I’m trying not to be late. Again … nothing personal.

Nancy H.

301x365
Not only do I have that privacy thing, my house is always a disastrous mess, which is why I’ve never in five years invited you or anyone else on our street to come inside. It’s nothing personal.

Anne V.

300x365
I know I might seem unfriendly. I’m not. I am, however, a private person and don’t ascribe to the whole "Mi Casa Su Casa" open-door mentality. Blame my mother for never letting me lock my bedroom door.

Brian

299x365
You’ve been around much longer than usual this time. Does this mean you’re out of jail for good? I hope so. You’re really nice to look at, although a little shifty and difficult to talk to sometimes.

Jill K.

298x365
I miss having you for a neighbor. It was so nice having someone close to my age living nearby, and that summer we spent talking and drinking on my porch was one of my favorite summers ever.

Erica S.

297x365
There must be some sort of cosmic connection that makes us keep running into each other in random places at odd times. It’s hilarious, albeit a little weird. Maybe we should collaborate on a project or something.

Steve S.

296x365
I'm loath to judge so hastily, but man … you’re an asshole. I know you think you’re funny, but you’re mostly condescending and sarcastic. Considering I’ve been called such myself, you’re not so hot in my book.

K.A.

295x365
If I ever commit some really heinous crime, I’m going to blame it on having to repeatedly listen to that laugh. Honestly, it makes me want to stab myself in the eardrum and throw something at you.

Joe

294x365
How can you not like a guy who wears a “Stop Plate Tectonics” t-shirt? I confess, however, that your ramblings about 8-bit servers, mayonnaise, and Dennis Kucinich can be a bit trying if my mood isn’t there.

Pam

293x365
You're brilliant and wickedly talented – a pioneer on the Buffalo music scene, a retro diva, and an all-around awesome lady. I'm glad we're friends, though I am feeling kind of guilty for being so absent this summer.

David P.

292x365
You were funny, brilliant, and my favorite after Joan (sorry, she was there all four years). We both lived in Chicago later on, but despite initial efforts never actually ended up getting together. Funny how time flies.

Colleen Coniglio

291x365
Sometimes I fantasize about getting a doctorate in English. If I do, I’m going to look you up and tell you. Why? Because you were the only English teacher I ever had who gave me rotten grades.

Mrs. Auer

290x365
I don't remember much about you, other than your name rhymed with lots of other words like "tower," "shower," "hour," "sour," and "flower." We invented little songs utilizing all these words, and you were cool with it.

Arnold D.

289x365
You were always the tallest kid in the class by at least a head. I’ll never forget the year you came to my house on Halloween and told my mom you were dressed as a “Cowboy. Urban.”

Cherie T.

288x365
You’re another one who was on a fast track to early death, jail, or the streets. Wild beyond your years, I’m guessing you ended up pregnant and living in a trailer before you could finish high school.

Shaanen

287x365
You were so cute and everyone loved you, and even the teachers cut you extra slack…but you were such a fuckup. Lori and I both agree that if you’re still alive, you’re probably in jail or rehab.

Lori

286x365
You’re another one from deep in my past. I didn’t know you personally then, but I like that we’ve connected over mutually separate memories and speculation about what happened to all those losers from our Allendale days.

Alicia

285x365
I often wait on people I used to know– mostly high school friends and acquaintances. But holy crap, you and I rode the bus together in elementary school. You definitely win the “blast from the past” award.

CJ

284x365
It might shut them up and make them happy, but all that fast food you feed your kids is going to cause big problems. It already is for the oldest one – she’s getting really fat. Poor kid.

Jilda

283x365
I’d like to hang out with you because you seem like someone I’d really get along with, but I feel weird just being like, “Hey! Let’s be friends!” Making new friends at our age is awkward sometimes.

Lizard

282x365
I knew the first time I saw you plow through a group of rich kids that we needed to be friends. I really miss you sometimes. But I hope wherever you are, you’re keeping my seat warm.

Maureen (aka Mabean)

281x365
You were the first disabled person I knew. You taught me a lot, but mostly I dug rollerskating up and down your ramp. I always wanted to ride on your wheelchair, but your dad wouldn’t let us.

Reynolds

280x365
You were the coolest old guy, with your tea and your hat and your Spanish books. I could sit and talk to you for hours about life, love, and lilies. I wonder where you are these days.

Matthew D.

279x365
You’re in college, the same age I was when I first had your mom as a professor. Another couple years and you’ll be the same age I was when I started babysitting you. Color my mind blown.

Elizabeth D.

278x365
I found you on Facebook and couldn’t believe that you’re in high school already. I thought about writing, but since you wouldn’t remember me, I thought it might be creepy. So I wrote to your brother instead.

Byron Brown

277x365
Go ahead, write to Forbes contesting our position on their list of fastest dying cities, but fix the problems that put us there, too! Be a better mayor and you won’t have to write so many letters.

K.O.

276x365
Your stories are outrageous and a symptom of deeper issues. Yeah, I know, I’m a notorious storyteller, too, but the big difference is that my stories are actually true. And I’ve got fifteen years on you, besides.

Larry

275x365
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re just being a nice guy or if you’re flirting with me. Don’t think I haven’t entertained the thought if the latter is the case, but you’re not really my type.

Nabiha

274x365
You’re another one who just can’t get into the art of being consistently nice to customers. I always smile and say hello, but most of the time you make me feel guilty for coming through your line.

Tim at the bank

273x365
I stopped using the drive-up window because walking looked painful for you. But even when I come inside you make that face like I’m ruining your day just by existing. Maybe that’s just how you always look?

Bonita

272x365
For the longest time I’d never really thought of you as anything but Greg’s girlfriend. And to be honest, I had always figured you to be aloof. I’m glad I got to find out I was wrong.

Nicole T.

271x365
Two years ago you were miserable and had practically given up on almost everything. Today you’re a homeowner and a bride-to-be. I’m thrilled for you! However, it's hard for me not to say, “I told you so!”

Tiffany N.

270x365
While I’m really happy for you that you found a great new job, I’m sad that you’re moving, because I liked you; and I’m angry at this city for not making it more attractive to your generation.

Indian lady at Detroit airport

269x365
Why me? I love Indian people, but you were trying my post-flight patience; demanding change, following me around, asking me questions I couldn’t answer. I had to just tell you to get the hell away from me.

Sally

268x365
No surprise that someone who’s both a comedienne and an English teacher would be one of my best friends. I wish you weren’t so far away; visiting you reminded me how much I miss having you around.

David from Kentucky

267x365
Under different circumstances, I’d enjoy snuggling up with a big Southern beefcake. But we were on an 11-hour flight, I was exhausted and cranky, and you were totally invading my personal space. Still…I wonder if you’re single.

Shopkeeper lady in Ueno

266x365
I’m not sorry for trying on the visor, and I'm not sorry I pissed you off, but I am sorry that Sally didn’t get a photo of you swatting me and chasing me out of your shop.

Don

265x365
Please don’t be insulted by my “great guy to take me all over the world” comment. I didn’t mean to trivialize your Japanese life experience, but I realized afterwards that it might have come off that way.

Risa

264x365
I’m glad you were visiting next door. It made for a nice, even-numbered group, and your translations were certainly appreciated. You’re pretty interesting, and I just wish we’d hung out more. I wanted to know about Oman.

Foreigner at Hiroshima Museum

263x365
You did realize that we were in a museum, right? Maybe they do it differently where you’re from, but I’m pretty sure it’s universally expected that you’re not supposed to let your kid run around smacking exhibits.

Peter

262x365
Your coworkers, colleagues, and even perfect strangers make fun of you. They do it in part because they’re insulted that you honestly think you’re fooling them, but really, you’re only fooling yourself - and maybe your clueless “girlfriend.”

Flight Attendant Cheryl

261x365
Thank you for being so sympathetic and pulling strings to move my seat. I don’t even want to imagine how having to climb over that drunk, crotchety old prick every hour for 13 hours would’ve gone over.

RM

260x365
With your older, wealthy husband, your well-mannered children, your BMW sport utility, and your house in “Old” Williamsville, you sure are the picture of upstanding citizenship, aren’t you? I laugh because I knew you twenty years ago.

Tracy W.

259x365
Why did we fight that time? We didn’t even hate each other. It was all for some stupid girl alliance. And my dad was pissed – not that I’d gotten into a fight, but that I didn’t win.

Jenny R.

258x365
When we were little, your face was always dirty. You sounded like Peppermint Patty and smelled like poverty. Last time I saw you, we were 19, and you were living with some older guy in South Buffalo.

Maura D.

257x365
I wasn’t very popular to begin with, but when I transferred after fifth grade, you were waiting and ready to pounce. You made my life hell for three years, but then you went to Mount Mercy. Hahaha.

Clark

256x365
I want to like you, but conversations are difficult because you don’t seem to know much about anything. For example, you’re a musician, yet you’d never even heard of Mohawk Place?! Do you live in a cave?

Bev

255x365
It’s been a couple years now since the email mishap. I think I subconsciously stay away because I still feel a twinge of embarrassment about it. I will not, however, admit to being wrong in my opinion.

Aimee

254x365
It’s hard when you know something about someone and share a common denominator, but can’t mention it - particularly when it involves a mutual acquaintance. I can’t go there, so I just smile when I see you.

Off to the Land of the Rising Sun...

Hey folks!
In just a few hours I'll be heading to the airport for my trip to Japan! I've been up all night in an attempt to thwart jet lag and to help me sleep on the *gulp* 13-hour flight. Oh, and in true Deedee fashion, I'm still packing, too. I hope I make some semblance of sense.

I won't have a whole lot of access to my email while I'm there, but fear not - there will be x365 entries nonetheless. Blogger has a great feature that lets you schedule posts out as far as you want, so I've written a few to cover at least the next few days while I settle in, and then will post as often as I'm able to while I'm away.

Just a couple of updates while I'm posting a non-x365 entry...

The book I've been illustrating for the last few months (we ended up pushing the deadline waaaaay out because of my various roadblocks like malfunctioning lungs and demolished car) is finally, finally done and, barring any major revisions, is being assembled in the very near future. (See below for the cover illustration - the layout and colors may change, but the illustration will remain the same). It should be available for purchase sometime in September...oooooh....just in time for early Christmas shopping! More details as they become available. And yes, of course I'll autograph your copy. ;-)

My doctor gave me a clean bill of health today - well, as clean as it's gonna be under the current circumstances. I put on a lot of weight in a short amount of time recently, thanks to Prednisone, which is like the anti-Christ of medications. I can't believe they haven't come up with anything better by now. Anyway, after swelling up like a balloon for several weeks and then spending a few hours in the ER last week (and a few hundred dollars, I'm sure), and having been given every possible test on the planet, there's nothing wrong with me. Well, aside from the obvious, of course. Dr. O was concerned that my heart might be failing, since the edema has typically been accompanied by chest pains and shortness of breath, but apparently it's all tied in with my weight and my asthma. But I'm not dying. So that's good.

I've decided to drop down to part time in school after this next semester. I was supposed to graduate next spring, but I'm finding it more and more difficult to juggle several upper-level classes and a paying job along with freelance projects. Plus, the loan money is running out, haha. Oh well. At least now I have more time to study for the GRE.

Okay, well...that'll do it for now. Gotta get back to packing. If anyone's dying for something in particular from Japan, email me and let me know!

Love,
D2

Lisa at TJ Maxx

253x365
You know, the Gryffindor track jacket, argyle socks, silly haircut, and funky shoes would’ve been cute if you’d had the personality to go with them. Alas, you were a bitch, so the outfit didn’t work at all.

Cheryl W.

252x365
He kept calling you his “fiancée,” so naturally I was curious as to when you two were getting married. I laughed so hard when you rolled your eyes and said, “never.” Like I said…my kind of people.

John M.

251x365
I don’t know why. I don’t know you. And yet…I feel like we should be friends. I think it’s probably the “we’d rather have dogs than kids” thing, but I definitely think you’re my kind of people.

Vanessa

250x365
Your roommate was icky, and mine was in a coma, so you moved in with me. What a weird combo, the hippie and the pink-haired punk. But we got along, even though your townie boyfriend annoyed me.

Jennifer

249x365
We spent that whole summer planning our dorm room. I couldn’t wait to meet you, my first college roommate. But you never came. They eventually told me you’d wrapped yourself around a pole a few days before.

Jon H.

248x365
For three days I thought you were among the dead. When I heard your voice on the other end, I cried buckets of relief. Weird how we lost touch after that. I think I’ll look you up.

Jeff Barone

247x365
I was glad you came along, because with your plaid pants, thick glasses, and greasy hair, you took the dork spotlight off me for a while. At least I didn’t walk around going “Hoyahoyahoya” all the time.

Brian English

246x365
Sorry, I’d spent years as the odd one out, and it had to be someone else’s turn for a while. And for what it’s worth, it didn’t help my cause at all. I was still a loser.

Miss Sinnott

245x365
I didn’t mean any disrespect when I sang the Solo Meal commercial jingle at you that time. I was six. I thought it was funny. You made my first grade a living hell, and I hated you.

Roger

244x365
I really enjoy the Gay Men’s Chorus concerts; I just wish tickets didn’t cost so much money. I mean, really, $20 is pretty steep. We should work something out in trade. Do you brew coffee at home?

Sherry

243x365
I was really surprised when I first realized who you were, but it’s heartening to know that even the skinniest of us have succumbed to time and gravity. Granted, you had a baby, but still…I feel better.

Kyle

242x365
You’ve told me about experiences that would have made anyone angry and bitter, but you’re like the nicest person ever. You’re one of those people that elicits a genuine, involuntary smile from me because you’re so positive.

Super High Meth Lady

241x365
You had four teeth in your entire mouth, and your voice sounded like an old man’s. That was scary enough, but then you took off your sunglasses…holy shit, I’m going to have nightmares about you for weeks.

Detoxing Bible Lady

240x365
You just sort of came out of nowhere, and now you’re a daily fixture. Usually you just sit quietly, reading and drinking water, but occasionally you’ll ask a question or – like today - comment on my sandwich.

L.W.

239x365
I would never admit this to you because you might think I’m weird, but I’m alternately scared of and intrigued by you. You’re the epitome of cool, and beautiful in a strong, almost super-heroine kind of way.

Jack

238x365
I feel bad that we got kind of a bumpy start, but I hope you were sincere when you said you’d put it behind us. I have trust issues when it comes to people in your position.

Alison K.

237x365
I really liked working with you. And while I’m thrilled for you that you’re moving on to bigger and better things, I’m going to miss you and the grounded wisdom that made conversations with you so enjoyable.

Felice

236x365
You’re the quintessential used car salesman. Polite on the outside, but pure smarm inside. I’m glad I didn’t give in to you. Really, though, who would want to buy a used car from a guy named Felice?

Dave V

235x365
You’re scary. No wonder you’re successful at running a “Buy Here Pay Here” dealership. But seriously – $7000 for a 2001 Chevy with 104,000 miles that I couldn’t even test drive because it had a flat? No way.

Ken K. from Motor House

234x365
It’s not that I didn’t appreciate your efforts, but the other place got me financed within 30 minutes. You took more than a day, and the best you could do was a lender who wanted a cosigner.

Matt K. at West-Herr Chevy

233x365
There are not words to thank you for the strings you pulled to get me into this car. I mean, holy shit, you got me approved for a loan by GMAC. Do you walk on water, too?

Bob M.

232x365
“Please buy from a reputable dealer, even if that dealer’s not us,” you told me. Well…I did. I’m interested to see how sincere you were when I tell you this tomorrow. Sorry. West-Herr had a better deal.

Lady who pointed out the coffee stain on my shirt

231x365
Of course I knew there was a big, brown stain on my shirt. What a stupid question. I refrained from making a snide and inappropriate comeback about my “leaking colostomy bag,” but oh, I was so tempted.

James

230x365
You freak me out because you look exactly like someone from my past. I’ve never really talked to you aside from passing greetings, and I’m sure you’re a great guy; I just can’t get past those eyes.

Joe

229x365
We bonded initially over cigarette coupons that I gave you when I quit smoking. I used to think you were cocky, but you're actually very nice, and in reality I think you might be a little insecure.

Lady shopping with the ugly baby

228x365
I know - it was rude of me to keep staring, and it’s certainly not the poor child’s fault, but every time we passed each other I just kept thinking of that Seinfeld episode with the ugly baby.

Jill

227x365
When I make good on my intention to hang out more with your sister, I hope you’ll come along too. I want to talk to you without the pressure of seventeen cars behind you restricting the conversation.

Cece

226x365
I need to hang out with you more. You seem like you would be a lot of fun to party with, and the few glimpses I’ve caught of you in that respect make me suspect I’m right.

Ethel

225x365
Discovering that you’re #224’s mother definitely shed light on some things. No wonder she’s such a weirdo. I would be too if I’d grown up with you. I want to scream “JUST SHUT UP!” at you sometimes.

Tracy

224x365
We’re not going to hire you. Ever. Stop asking. We have our reasons, including the fact that you’re “allergic to caffeine,” and we’re a coffee shop. Plus, decaffeinated does not equal caffeine-free, so you’re full of shit.

Sheila

223x365
You used to work in the pharmacy, and now you’re a cashier. You said you “stepped down,” but my guess is they demoted you for being too weird to work with drugs. You give me the creeps.

Sharon

222x365
I like talking to you; you’re a neat old lady. Plus it cracks me up how you scoop out the inside of your bagel and make a little trough for the cream cheese before you eat it.

Dr. Sara

221x365
I like that you listen, although you hardly know me. I just feel comfortable around you because we’re the same age, and I kinda want to be friends. I think I’ll invite you to my next party.

Dan

220x365
Sorry if you were insulted when I laughed at you, but get real. Your biceps are huge, your neck veins bulge, and you expect people to believe that you just got that way from lifting frozen foods?

Dianne

219x365
Usually when a new person is talkative, it’s appreciated and welcomed. But you just rubbed me the wrong way with your incessant banal questions and proselytizing. Seriously, babe, we’re all doing the best we can right now.

Requiem for a car

Today I said my final goodbyes to my car. I know many of you are thinking "what a whacko" and wondering why the hell I seem obsessed with this piece of shit. Well, let me tell you.

When I bought the car, I did so on the heels of driving a series of embarrassments. There was the loud-as-hell Duster (who, actually, in her prime WAS a zippy little fun-to-drive car, but deteriorated rapidly into what's commonly known as "Old Plymouth Disease"). Before the Duster there was the Pontiac Sunbird Wagon that I paid $300 for and was held together with duct tape and spray paint, and had a driver's side door that didn't open from the inside. Before that was the Sentra that I crashed on Kimball Road my senior year of college. And before that...well, there was that glorious summer when I got to drive the GTO around town, wreaking havoc and striking fear in the hearts of my friends as I tore up the Southtowns in it, but it wasn't my car, so I can't really count it.

Anyway, when I bought my old red girl, it was a proud moment in my life. It was the nicest car I'd ever owned, and it was mine. To me it symbolized more than just a car. It symbolized my life as a grown-up, my "real" job, and the fact that I was now a card-carrying adult. Not only had I qualified for a loan for the second time in my life, but this time I'd qualified AND driven away with a car I was deliriously happy with. I remember the day I drove it off the lot, grinning from ear to ear. I think it took about three days before I could stop smiling. And I was one of those "watchers," you know, the people who can't help but watch their reflection in every plate glass window along their route.

At the insistence of my friend Gus, I had to name her. Other cars of mine had had names (the Duster was known as "Dusty" and the "Dustbuster" and the Sunbird was nicknamed "The Tank") but this car deserved something more dignified. She was thus crowned "The Red Baroness."

The Baroness, as she was more casually known, was my pride and joy. While there was nothing truly special or unique about her, I took pains to take care of her, washing and waxing every week, cleaning out the interior and doing little mini-details. Of course, if you know me you know that eventually I stopped doing that on a regular basis and often allowed the interior to resemble the inside of a Dumpster, but it didn't mean I loved her any less. In fact it was a testament to my love and familiarity with her that I filled her with my books, coffee cups, clothes, art projects, bank receipts, Mighty Taco bags, and water bottles.

In recent years she'd started to show her age. Her body was falling apart, but her mind and heart were still sharp. And when she would break down, I had a phenomenal mechanic who fixed her right up each time. Yes, I know I complained about her and the headaches she caused, but it was with the utmost endearment, much in the same way that people get frustrated with their elderly parents' failing faculties, or complain about their geriatric pets peeing on the carpet, or even bitch about the spouse they've been with for half a lifetime. I used to joke that I wanted someone to hit it in a parking lot so I could get a new bumper, but you know that old saying "careful what you wish for..." It's true. I certainly didn't want someone to LAND on the hood and render it a total loss, fercrissake. Sure, she had her issues, but I'd had her long enough (eight years!) to know which issues I could ignore and which ones needed to be addressed, and I felt comfortable and safe inside. Like an old lover, she was familiar, and most of all, she was mine. And no one can deny that that car had some fucking character.

So today was the final installment in the saga, and I turned the keys and the title over to the insurance company, took the plates off, and cleaned out all the stuff inside. I was amazed at some of the stuff I found, too. The original sale paperwork from the car dealership. Receipts from Chicago businesses. A letter from a boyfriend I had in 2001. A paystub from 2004. An earring I hadn't seen since I worked at Home Depot. And while I managed to stay pretty strong and not cry this time (I'd already done that a few times over the weekend, including the night I went and parked my rental car next to the shop yard and bawled my eyes out for a good 30 minutes), it was still very, very sad and bittersweet. I just loved that car. I know she was an old and tired hunk of junk, but she was MY old and tired hunk of junk.

It truly is the end of another era. Rest in Peace, Miss Red Baroness, wherever it is that totaled cars go to rest. And if someone picks you up at auction and fixes you back up, I hope they love you as much as I did.


P.S. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the armpits of Robert Weymouth, Jr.

Al from Joslyn

218x365
I bet you had no idea I was going to send your photo into menwholooklikekennyrogers.com. I probably would have won, too. I really wanted that belt buckle. Unfortunately, you fired me before I could get the photo.

WIVB Cameraman

217x365
Must have been a slow news day, or maybe it was just because the accident happened right next to the studio. In any case, thanks for not putting me on TV. I looked really gross that day.

Guy who told me to "Have some consideration"

216x365
He wasn’t hurt, and I knew that. You try coming out of a store and finding a Jeep on top of your car and see how YOU react, why don’t you? Fuck you and your consideration, asshole.

Halyna

215x365
Okay, I know I’ve never met you, but I’m curious anyway – what the HELL were you thinking when you lent that guy your car? I mean, you obviously know him; did you not notice that he’s retarded?

Jean from State Farm

214x365
You’re so consistently pleasant and helpful. Thanks for making me feel like a valued customer, and for softening the unpleasant task of paying car insurance. Oh, and thanks for hooking me up with that neat piggybank, too.

Cashier Pat

213x365
I’m a little annoyed that my car got wrecked while you were explaining that whole Cradle Beach thing. If you’d just cashed me out and let me get out of there, I might have dodged that bullet.

Robert Weymouth, Jr.

212x365
What the hell were you doing? Just how fast were you going? You really wrecked more than my car. I hope your insurance throws down, because if they don’t, you are SO buying me a new one.

Stinky Paul

211x365
Has it ever occurred to you that I disappear because your cologne is so offensive that I can’t wait on you? Dude, seriously. You give me an instant asthma attack with that shit. You're a health hazard!

Miles

210x365
I keep running into you everywhere I go. I think it’s pretty funny, but we do just seem to have all the same friends. Thanks for keeping house music alive in Buffalo. I hope you’ll stick around.