Fran

88x365
I’m really sorry about that whole “Wow, you got your teeth fixed!” thing. I guess I didn’t think it was an insult at the time. I was just surprised…and they really did look good, dentures or not.

Christopher

87x365
D’oh, heh? C is for laap! Who baynest! Beud about little Hejnu! Condolums! Famlums! Mmnnnyeeesss! It’s a testament to our friendship that we have entire conversations consisting of noises, yet understand each other perfectly. I love you.

Mike M.

86x365
I liked you the minute I met you. I wish I could do more for our group, but I know you understand and appreciate what I can do. You’re phenomenal that way (and in many others, too).

Jenn

85x365
What is there to say about someone you’ve known for 22 years? “Blessed” is the only word I can come up with for what it means to have you as a friend. You’re the truest person I know.

Veronica

84x365
I’ve always been drawn to bass players. I don’t know what it is. But you’re pretty cool, and a really nice person on top of it. I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you in the recent past.

Molly

83x365
You comforted me as I lay sobbing over Alex’s body. You gave me a sympathy card. Six months prior to that, you were doing everything in your power to get me fired. Seriously, that’s pretty fucked up.

Niki

82x365
Remember how Gene called me your “wife?” I loved those marathon phone calls that lasted into the morning. Last I heard you’d lost your mind. We were so close, and now I don’t even know if you’re alive.

Puneet

81x365
The truth is that I didn’t trust you at first. But then I realized it was just the situation that made me uneasy. But I’m glad it worked out, and glad Colleen married you instead of Russ.

Aunt Margaret

80x365
You saw the truth, and your love and caring have meant so much. Thank you for being the kindest person I know. Also, your patience with #79 is amazing. You should just tell her to simmer down.

Kathleen

79x365
You are completely insane. I don’t think you understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you, it doesn’t stop turning when you show up, and it does not owe you a fucking sandwich. Please just chill out!

Maggie

78x365
When you got engaged, I was excited for you. When you bought your house I was thrilled for you. You are genuinely one of my favorite people, and I’m really enjoying watching it all come together for you.

AJ

77x365
You made the best chicken sandwiches, and cheaper than the guy on the next block. Sometimes you gave us free food, and we gave you a break on produce. I still thought you were kind of smarmy.

Wild Man Dave

76x365
You let me sit in the cab of a semi you were working on once. I only met you a few times, but I thought you were cool. I sometimes wish you were still dating my mom.

Karen

75x365
More than ten years later, I still cry about the breakup sometimes. Not because I miss him, but because I would have really loved to have you as my mother-in-law. I like that we’ve kept in touch.

Mike E.

74x365
When my mom told me about the murders, I didn’t expect to hear your name in there. Sorry you met with such a horrible fate. You were a jackass, but you didn’t deserve to die like that.

A.B.

73x365
It’s funny to me that you seem to have the same issues with everyone no matter where you go. And yet you still proclaim yourself a victim of everyone else’s shortcomings. Ever think it might be you?

Pittsburgh Dave

72x365
You probably had no idea that I called you “Amazing Dave.” That’s okay, because by the last time I saw you, I didn’t think you were so amazing. In fact you annoyed the shit out of me.

Justin J.

71x365
Being your “partner in crime” was pretty fun. You made me laugh, but most of all you made me forget my age. Sorry about that whole bandaid thing. I didn’t know Stan would go off like that.

Mobe

70x365
You were enormous, but your ego was even bigger. The truth was that you had to compensate for the fact that you were a really lousy lover, and you knew it. You didn’t fool me at all.

Ronnie

69x365
I saw you sitting at our kitchen table, your head bent over a cup of coffee. My mom told me that you were drunk and your parents wouldn’t let you in. That used to happen a lot.