So Sue Me: Susan C.

178x365
I liked you. I had lots of fun with you. I related to you. But my biggest mistake was confiding in you. I thought it was the start of a great friendship, but apparently you thought otherwise.

So Sue Me: Susan W.

177x365
I call you “The Stepford Wife” because you’re so weirdly robotic and mechanical in your speech and mannerisms. It’s slightly disconcerting. You’re super nice and extremely polite, but it just feels forced, like you’ve been programmed.

Jody

176x365
I like that we get along now, that you’re seeing things from my perspective, and that we commiserate about the bullshit. I wish you weren’t my superior; I think we’d have a lot of fun hanging out.

Harry K the Mary Kay Man

175x365
You are an arrogant prick and proud of it. But I can’t possibly take you seriously, because not only are you a dickhead, you sell Mary Kay. You are a Mary Kay Man. Holy shit, that’s funny.

Alex

174x365
I never knew if you were a masculine woman or an effeminate man, and your name didn’t help matters. But then you paid with a card and I figured it out. I’m wondering if maybe you’re reassigning.

Dr. O'Sullivan

173x365
Wee little Irishman, I wish I’d found you sooner. You’re the best. Please don’t die or retire any time soon. I deserve a few years of decent medical care by a good doctor after what I’ve endured.

Yes, I realize everything sucks lately

Looking at the last couple weeks' worth of posts, most are written about people who've pissed me off in one way or another. Now, I'm pretty sure that most every blog-watcher on Planet Deedums knows me well enough to know that I get into these sorts of funky ruts where I seem to hate everyone and everything, but for those who don't know, my life right now is a veritable trainwreck. Because of such, I'm feeling a little barmy these days.

When I sit down to write my x365 post of the day, I usually write about the first random person who pops into my head. If my life at the moment is full of people who are getting on my nerves - whether as a result of their personalities or because of my mood at that particular time - they earn the dubious distinction of becoming "A-listers" of sorts, figures on the forefront of my saturated brain. Sometimes, in the interest of time conservation, I'll write out a few entries ahead of time. When this happens, I tend to "clump" the entries; one guy will earn an entry, and the next day his wife becomes my next victim. Or one customer gets written up and it spawns a string of customers over the next few days. And even if you don't suck all the time, chances are if you pop into my head during one of these funks, I'm not going to remember the Ratatouille corkscrew you gave me when my dog died, I'm going to remember how you stabbed me in the back. You see how my brain works?

So that's all I really wanted to say. I'm not as angry as I come across, and contrary to what the blog might make you believe, I don't hate everyone, just the ones who suck. I sure do get easily annoyed sometimes, and well, to know me is to love my sarcasm and my wry sense of humor (not everyone gets that, you know), and to understand that it's my therapy. Otherwise I'd lose my job and end up in jail. And that would suck.

Dr. Stachnik

172x365
I thought Cornell churned out the best and brightest. You told me to treat Rosie with carbaryl powder, but when I looked for it, I discovered that it’s actually toxic to rats. Thank God for the Internet.

Kathy F.

171x365
I saw you once, in passing. You’re much cuter and less matronly than I thought you’d be. Sometimes I wonder if you’re clueless about your husband’s indiscretions, or if you know but just don’t give a shit.

Lisa L (2)

170x365
I remember feeling so bad for you when your girlfriend ran off with the kid. It had to have been difficult to be gay in such a small town. I hope you found happiness in bigger places.

E.S.

169x365
You’re a really difficult read. I can never tell if you’re happy, sad, mad, upset, or just tired. Now I know what they meant when they said I was the same way. You make me really uncomfortable.

Tim S.

168x365
It’s too bad your boyfriend is such a back stabber. You’re a fascinating guy, and I really liked how you did my hair. I’ll still recommend you, but I’m really gonna miss you. *Sigh* ... Back to Supercuts.

Ryan

167x365
My back still hurts from the knife you stuck in it. Why did you do that to me? What did I do to deserve that, anyway? I lost a really good hairstylist in the package, too. Damn.

Scott

166x365
I understand you felt slighted, but you flipped out so quickly, and in an angry flash one of my best friends was gone. What made it suck worse was that you did it when I was sick.

Terri

165x365
Your grossly conspicuous public displays of affection only reinforce the theory that your husband is overcompensating for something. I disliked you slightly less than him until I saw you hit your dog. Now I detest you, too.

Bruce

164x365
I detest you. I don’t know how else to put it. You talked to me once like I was stupid, and I’ve never forgiven you. Oh, and someone really should tell your wife you’re gay. Jerk.

Rose

163x365
My first impression of you was not a favorable one at all. I mean, shit, all I did was ask a question about my bill. No need for you to get all agitated and preachy about it.

Northtown Mike

162x365
You’re not a bad guy, and I’m sure you don’t even realize you’re doing this, but we all really wish you’d stop getting poop on the toilet seat every morning. We have to clean that, you know.

Americano Dave

161x365
That dye job is awful and you’ve got this sort of pervy look about you. Your girlfriend is conspicuously absent most of the time, and when she comes in she’s wacked out. We think you’re drugging her.

CNA Rachel

160x365
Just some friendly advice: spend less time in the tanning booth and more time learning how to work that ear thermometer. And if you're going to work with asthma patients, you should probably lay off the perfume.