Fran

88x365
I’m really sorry about that whole “Wow, you got your teeth fixed!” thing. I guess I didn’t think it was an insult at the time. I was just surprised…and they really did look good, dentures or not.

Christopher

87x365
D’oh, heh? C is for laap! Who baynest! Beud about little Hejnu! Condolums! Famlums! Mmnnnyeeesss! It’s a testament to our friendship that we have entire conversations consisting of noises, yet understand each other perfectly. I love you.

Mike M.

86x365
I liked you the minute I met you. I wish I could do more for our group, but I know you understand and appreciate what I can do. You’re phenomenal that way (and in many others, too).

Jenn

85x365
What is there to say about someone you’ve known for 22 years? “Blessed” is the only word I can come up with for what it means to have you as a friend. You’re the truest person I know.

Veronica

84x365
I’ve always been drawn to bass players. I don’t know what it is. But you’re pretty cool, and a really nice person on top of it. I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you in the recent past.

Molly

83x365
You comforted me as I lay sobbing over Alex’s body. You gave me a sympathy card. Six months prior to that, you were doing everything in your power to get me fired. Seriously, that’s pretty fucked up.

Niki

82x365
Remember how Gene called me your “wife?” I loved those marathon phone calls that lasted into the morning. Last I heard you’d lost your mind. We were so close, and now I don’t even know if you’re alive.

Puneet

81x365
The truth is that I didn’t trust you at first. But then I realized it was just the situation that made me uneasy. But I’m glad it worked out, and glad Colleen married you instead of Russ.

Aunt Margaret

80x365
You saw the truth, and your love and caring have meant so much. Thank you for being the kindest person I know. Also, your patience with #79 is amazing. You should just tell her to simmer down.

Kathleen

79x365
You are completely insane. I don’t think you understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you, it doesn’t stop turning when you show up, and it does not owe you a fucking sandwich. Please just chill out!

Maggie

78x365
When you got engaged, I was excited for you. When you bought your house I was thrilled for you. You are genuinely one of my favorite people, and I’m really enjoying watching it all come together for you.

AJ

77x365
You made the best chicken sandwiches, and cheaper than the guy on the next block. Sometimes you gave us free food, and we gave you a break on produce. I still thought you were kind of smarmy.

Wild Man Dave

76x365
You let me sit in the cab of a semi you were working on once. I only met you a few times, but I thought you were cool. I sometimes wish you were still dating my mom.

Karen

75x365
More than ten years later, I still cry about the breakup sometimes. Not because I miss him, but because I would have really loved to have you as my mother-in-law. I like that we’ve kept in touch.

Mike E.

74x365
When my mom told me about the murders, I didn’t expect to hear your name in there. Sorry you met with such a horrible fate. You were a jackass, but you didn’t deserve to die like that.

A.B.

73x365
It’s funny to me that you seem to have the same issues with everyone no matter where you go. And yet you still proclaim yourself a victim of everyone else’s shortcomings. Ever think it might be you?

Pittsburgh Dave

72x365
You probably had no idea that I called you “Amazing Dave.” That’s okay, because by the last time I saw you, I didn’t think you were so amazing. In fact you annoyed the shit out of me.

Justin J.

71x365
Being your “partner in crime” was pretty fun. You made me laugh, but most of all you made me forget my age. Sorry about that whole bandaid thing. I didn’t know Stan would go off like that.

Mobe

70x365
You were enormous, but your ego was even bigger. The truth was that you had to compensate for the fact that you were a really lousy lover, and you knew it. You didn’t fool me at all.

Ronnie

69x365
I saw you sitting at our kitchen table, your head bent over a cup of coffee. My mom told me that you were drunk and your parents wouldn’t let you in. That used to happen a lot.

Pat K.

68x365
We sold ski masks. I put one on and stood at the service desk window. You screamed and we nearly died laughing. That was in the days before you could get in trouble for such a thing.

Staci

67x365
You pretended to be so concerned about me, proffered to have my best interests at heart. But all along you were looking for me to screw up. I missed you until I found out you’d done that.

Jimmer

66x365
You’re a nice enough guy, and you mean well, but I just don’t have the patience sometimes. Even still, the effort is certainly appreciated, and that was awfully nice of you to remember my birthday last year.

August

65x365
You were so condescending, following me around like you thought I’d steal something. Then I addressed you by name at C’s opening, and you changed. So did your hair - it’s huge (completely unrelated events, of course).

Liz H.

64x365
I think it’s pretty cool that you maintain such patience with me, despite the fact that I’m probably the biggest waste of time you’ve ever taught. But I have fun trying anyway, and I enjoy your company.

Quincy

63x365
The sexual tension between us was all too obvious. But even after I quit the job and it was no longer an issue, I still don’t think it would’ve been a good idea to act on it.

Love is all around us...and it f***ing sucks!

Caution: Relatively profane post. You have been warned.

So much for this being my Best Year Ever. It's done nothing but suck since the stroke of midnight on January 1st. Seriously, what is wrong with people? What is wrong with me?

Next month is February. February means Valentine's Day. Fuck that shit. Every year I put together the "Single Girls' Night Out" on V-Day where I get a bunch of single girl friends together and we go out and do something fun. One year it was dinner, drinks, and karaoke. One year it was just dinner. Last year it was improv comedy. I will be doing it again this year, for its fourth annual occasion. And while thinking about what to do this year, I started feeling a little pissy. Why is it that FOUR YEARS in a row now I've had to do this? And even before the Single Girls' Night Out inception, Valentine's Day held very little water. The year before I started doing it I was involved in a shaky long-distance thing. The year before that I was single. The year before that I was single. And the year before that...I was single. In fact I haven't had an actual Valentine since 2001 (Hi Tim, I know you're reading this - see? I remembered). So, with the exception of one lousy/questionable year in 2004 when I didn't even get a phone call so I'm not even sure whether to count it or not, it's been SEVEN years since I've had anyone "special" to celebrate Valentine's Day with.

Okay, say what you want about the commercialization and Hallmarked bastardization of the holiday, but you have to remember that I am a romantic. And a hopeless one at that. I cry at weddings of people I don't even know. I cry at sappy movies. I cry at church. I cry at fucking theatre curtain calls, fercripessake. I'm very easily emotionally overwhelmed, and I'm a little fragile at times.

It's getting harder and harder, though, to not be bitter and barmy, full of venom and bile as I walk through the stores and am bombarded with stupid red and pink lacy displays, and the word "love" thrown into my path in 4-foot high letters. It's getting more and more pitiful each time I throw down ten bucks for another bouquet of Gerberas for myself. Every movie I watch with just my cats for company brings me down a little more. With every card I think of buying my mom, I feel more and more the loser I have become.

I KNOW that I have to stop looking for it. I KNOW that I have to leave it up to fate and stop manipulating situations in my favor only to be crushed when they don't work out. But, shit...how much of this crap do I have to wade through before I find that gem, that ONE good person who's in the same place as I am? I hadn't been actively looking until recently, and then I finally had my life in a place where I was ready to share it with someone, and it's just not happening.

*sigh*

I used to really like being single. Now...not so much. This sucks. And I wish every store in the world would burn down between now and Valentine's Day. St. Pat's Day never looked so good.

Gramma Olive

62x365
The only memory I really have of you is that you lived in Canada and had one leg. I was six when you died. I wanted to go to the funeral, but my mom wouldn’t take me.

Beth B.

61x365
You were the first teacher to ever acknowledge that I had any talent for writing. I thought you were awesome. You had a southern accent, put mustard on your fries, and had a cameo in “Sixteen Candles.”

Mrs. Reed

60x365
I remember seeing you at the Southgate Plaza the summer after third grade. I was excited and astounded that you would be anywhere other than the school. I guess I didn’t realize that teachers had lives, too

Donnie

59x365
I was eating a continental breakfast and reading a complimentary newspaper when I saw your obituary. I went to the wake. Your brother said you were an alcoholic and died of liver failure. You were only 35.

Scott O.

58x365
You bullied me relentlessly and I decided to fight back one day. It was a cool idea until I hit Leah in the mouth with my Pigs in Space lunchbox as I threw the punch at you.