Lisa A.

148x365
Listen, we’re both fat and 30ish, so let me offer you some advice: that frumpy, long haired look isn’t working for you. You’re cute. You should embrace your corpulence and get a haircut that flatters your face.

Red

147x365
Keeping our relationship a secret wasn’t hard until you ruined it by messing around with Diane. How was I supposed to keep my mouth shut while she bragged about her “conquest” with you? I had you first.

Lisa L.

146x365
I was dumbfounded that you hid your pregnancy from your father by wearing a housecoat all the time. Was he blind? I hope whoever adopted your baby gave her a better life than your parents gave you.

Gregory

145x365
I don’t know what I saw in you, other than I thought you looked like Alistair from “You Can’t Do That on Television.” You were total white trash. I wonder what menial job you’re stuck in now.

Carl

144x365
I’m sorry I was so mean to you. I was a terrible girlfriend, and I’m sorry I ruined your friendship with Gregory. But come on, we were 14. And if it’s any consolation, it wasn’t worth it.

Jimi

143x365
You had three strikes against you before we even got to our destination. You’re an idiot, a jerk, and a boor. That’s why I wouldn’t go out with you again. Your cheesy moustache didn’t help matters, either.

Craig W.

142x365
I can’t figure out if you like me, hate me, or just think I’m ridiculous. Sometimes I think it might be a little of each. In any case, I think you’re cool and I admire your stoicism.

James

141x365
Three years, thousands upon thousands of phone minutes, emails, and flight miles, countless gifts, cards, and postage…for what? Thanks for wasting time, energy, and money I could have spent doing something much more fulfilling with my life.

Tom

140x365
So I asked you out on a date. Big deal. You didn't have to freak out and act like such a weirdo about it when a simple "no" would have sufficed. Oh well. It’s your loss, anyway.

Dr. Cox

139x365
I loved that you took a holistic approach to my therapy instead of just hooking me up to a machine and leaving me there like the other guys. You helped so much, and I often recommend you.

Chase

138x365
The next time someone says I talk a lot, I’m going to introduce them to you. I’ve never met someone with so much to say – so early in the morning no less. You totally crack me up.

Ruby

137x365
I alternately hope and fear the astrological predictions of you turning out like me are true. You have the advantage, though, of parents much better equipped to deal with it than mine were. Have fun with it!

Kaura

136x365
From the minute I saw you born, you have never ceased to impress, amaze, and amuse me. I wish I could spend more time with you, but I think your mom is afraid I might corrupt you.

Maeve

135x365
You’re only six years old, but you’re already a fabulously intelligent, creative, funny, caring person. No surprise, given your parentage, of course. I can’t wait to see what you do to this world when you’re grown up.

Andrew

134x365
I can’t decide if it’s your cocky attitude, your weirdly angular shape, or your pupil-less eyes, but something about you just really rubs me the wrong way. I know it’s juvenile, but I really can’t stand you.

Kim D.

133x365
“How much are stamps in New Hampshire?” I liked that you wore “Dumb Blonde” like a badge of honor, and sprayed your hair impossibly high. Donuts in mud, eggs, and Beam always make me think of you.

Steve P.

132x365
You were a fun roommate. Remember the song I made up about the “Bill Mar (E miiiinnooooooooor!) Fancy Turkey Breast?” I still can’t believe you got drunk and slept with my friend while she was visiting.

Wendy M.

131x365
You were hilarious. I really liked you and wish we could’ve stayed friends, but after the Kristine situation it was kind of impractical. I picked up your book a few years ago and thought it was fantastic.

Kristine

130x365
I exhausted you and caused our friendship to crash and burn. In my defense, you were my first real girlfriend in Chicago, and I guess I just didn’t know the proper protocol for female friendship. I’m sorry.

Brett

129x365
It wasn’t until I found myself on the other side of a similar situation that I understood you. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. You’re a really good guy. I hope you found someone who appreciates that.

Thom

128x365
You seemed awesome, but you’ve turned out to be one truly fucked-up individual. False modesty, dubious history, two failed marriages, endless drama - all red flags. I really wish I’d something nicer to say about you right now.

NM

127x365
Why do you sniff your fingers all the time? You are neurotic, obnoxious, paranoid, and obsessive. No wonder your wife hates you. You would be cute if you weren't such a weirdo freak. You annoy me immensely.

Tall Mocha, No Whip

126x365
Okay, so you’re hot and you know it. Do you REALLY have to do that “sexy eyes” thing when we hand you your change? I mean, come on - you even do it to the guys. Stop it!

Cowboy John

125x365
You’re crazy and you make no excuses for it. You just do your thing; a cowboy one day, a gangsta the next, a soldier after that. I just wish you wouldn’t change your costumes in our bathroom.

Mary Lou

124x365
Someone told me you were beautiful before the mental illness set in. You sure do love your nails and your Avon, but do you have to make yourself look like Mrs. Potatohead? Just how ill are you?

Tim

123x365
I get excited to see you every morning, and I wonder if you know that I find you incredibly attractive. Unfortunately, your wife probably does, too. She’s a lucky lady. Oh well. I can still look, right?

Twice in a lifetime!

Well, I *had* a photo of the event, but for some reason the memory stick on my camera shit the bed, and I lost all my photos - like, all 400-some-odd photos from the last year, and I'm feeling a little sick over that. I have NO idea how it happened. It was fine this afternoon, and I got home tonight and *poof* they were all gone.

So you'll just have to take my word for it...but I met Henry Rollins AGAIN!

He played an intimate little show in Rochester last night, and I braved the harsh elements to drive out there. Luckily I'd had the wherewithal to anticipate nasty weather and the late hour at which I'd be getting out of the show, so I booked a room and stayed the night. I was on the guest list, so I got into the show for free, but there was no backstage pass deal this time. This time I just went outside and waited by his bus with the rest of the folks willing to stand in freezing rain to meet The Man. We waited about 15 minutes, and when he exited the building, he came up to us and said, "You are all out of your fucking minds!" We laughed and he came up to each of us. I showed him the photo from the last time we met, and though he didn't remember me, he told me he was glad I could make it out. The visit this time was much more rushed, mainly due to the weather (it really was nasty - I had photos of my ice-crusted car as well, but those evaporated with the rest of them), but still he took the time to autograph my copy of A Dull Roar (see attached photo taken post-memory stick-crash) and pose for a photo (which was one of the ones lost in said crash). I'm consoling myself over the loss of the photo by reminding myself how awful I looked in it. Ha.

Anyway, in light of this awesome event, I'm dedicating today's x365 to Henry!

Henry

122x365

You are, in every sense, a Renaissance Man for our generation. You've been my hero ever since your words saved my life (I'm not kidding - they did). I'm glad I got to tell you that in person.

Garrett

121x365
You are so weird. Sometimes it’s a good, fun weird, sometimes it’s a "dude, what the fuck?” weird. Maybe it’s because you’re from Indiana, I don’t know, but sometimes you’re just over the top. Like, way over.

Jeremy

120x365
I had such a crush on you, even though you were much younger than me. Then I saw your Facebook profile and found out you were a staunch conservative. The crush went away pretty quickly after that.

Paul B.

119x365

You were so cute, and I was devastated when we broke up. I think your mom thought I was devil spawn, but she still let us hang out in your room, which I thought was pretty cool.

Dot

118x365
Your eyes were sunken and watery with age, but you were cool, sassy, funny, and you let my boyfriend’s band practice in your basement. We’d sit and listen from upstairs, talking and smoking until they were finished.