Even Quirkyalones get the blues

I had a conversation with an acquaintance recently about my perpetual state of singlehood, during which I explained the concept of the "Quirkyalone" to him. His argument had been, up until that point, that I didn't have to be alone, if only I'd relax a few of my "stringent" standards and requirements (which, if you know me, include such outrageous requirements as an education, a brain, and absence of offspring). After passionately explaining to him that it would be better to be alone than to back down on things that I hold important, I think it finally dawned on him that there are single women in this world who would actually prefer to be single over being coupled for the sake of being so.

The Quirkyalone, for those of you who are not familiar, is explained best by the Quirkyalone.net website:

Quirkyalones are people who enjoy being single (but are not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefer being single to dating for the sake of being in a relationship. It’s also a mindset. It’s about being present to both the wonders and possibilities in being deeply single or deeply in partnership. It’s also a mindset that recognizes the power and value of significant others, plural: our friends.

Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. We tend to be romantics. We prefer to be single rather than settle. In fact, the core of quirkyalone is the inability to settle. We spend a signficant chunk of our lives single because we hold relationships to a high standard.

Are quirkyalones loners? Not necessarily. Quirkyalones often value friendship very highly. We’re often very social people. But we do value occasional solitude. Quirkyalones are often creative and need time alone to allow thoughts to fully form.

Fundamentally, quirkyalone isn’t so much about being alone as it is about connection: with yourself and others. It’s about liberating yourself from the expected road maps to discover your own. It’s about developing comfort with aloneness and recognizing that comfort is crucial to being with someone else.

The quirky in quirkyalone is really about authenticity. It’s about accepting yourself in all your quirky glory, and being fully yourself, whether you’re single or in a relationship.

The alone part is about willing to stand out from the crowd, to go to a wedding alone rather than go with a date, for example, out of social obligation. It’s about resisting the tyranny of coupledom, the prevailing notion that you must be in a relationship at all times in order to be happy.

It’s about preserving solitude in an era of hyperconnectivity so that you can be comfortable and full alone, and therefore fully present with another human being.

That said, I will confess to having periodic bouts of melancholy, wistful sadness when it comes to being alone. Today being the 8th wedding anniversary of my sister and her husband, and realizing that I've not been in a "real" relationship in that entire time...well, it kind of makes me wonder what the fuck I'm doing. I guess I've always thought that if I live my life the way I want to live it, that someone special will come along and fit right in. Well, it's been eight years since my last relationship (I don't really count James, because he was a long-distance thing, and, well, it was never really a committed thing, at least not on his end) and I'm starting to think that there really is no lid for my pot.

This, dear blogwatchers, is what's got me down today.

That, and I make a mean sundae pie, and sometimes I wish I had someone to make one for. I can't make one for myself; I'll eat the whole damn thing, and then I'll just feel worse. So does anyone want one? Name yer flavor. :-)

A little pomp with a side of circumstance

Sorry about being so absent lately, but it really has been a whirlwind of insanity - albeit the good kind - around these parts.

So what's going on with me? Well...

I graduated! Well, sort of. I mean, my name was in the program as an August 2009 graduate, and I just have one last loose end to tie up before I technically earn my degree (my summer internship - more on that later). I could have walked in the ceremony if I'd wanted to, but I didn't. You might think that after everything I went through to get this degree I would have wanted to march proudly across that stage, but there was just something about getting all suited up in the regalia and going through all the pomp and circumstance for my second undergraduate degree that felt a little wrong, perhaps a little dishonest - especially considering the degree wasn't actually finished. To those who couldn't understand why I felt this way, I likened it to a middle-aged bride wearing a fancy white gown with a full train and walking down the aisle of a cathedral in front of thousands of guests for her second wedding, and doing it without a marriage license. Not necessarily wrong, but just somehow...out of whack, against tradition. And as much as I buck tradition otherwise, there are just some things I like to keep in order on a personal level.

Despair not, however. All of you who were hoping to see me in my cap and gown will get the chance to do so in a couple of years when I get my MASTERS DEGREE! I've been accepted into the graduate program for a Masters of Science in Creative Studies at Buffalo State, so I'll be heading back to the hallowed halls at the end of August. I opted to go straight in, rather than taking any kind of break. Am I worried about burning out? A little. But the course of study is so different (a lot of theory and critical/abstract thinking) from the hands-on world of design that I think it won't really matter. I'll continue to freelance (and hopefully work part-time in a design capacity) while I go to school, though, because I don't want to lose my skills as a designer. The whole idea is to use my experience as a Creative Studies major to enhance my career as a designer, so I must strike a balance somewhere. Ah, the life of a professional student.

So then...roping this back in a little, for those of you not in the know, I'm interning this summer in the art department at Artvoice. If you're in Buffalo, you know what that is. For those of you not in Buffalo, it's our free news and arts weekly paper. I do ad layout and design for them, and I must say it's a fantastic gig. I'd said a few years ago that I never wanted to do print work, but I will extract my foot from my mouth long enough to tell you how wrong I was about that. I absolutely love it. I'd love it more if I didn't have to pay almost $1500 in tuition to be doing it, but I love it nonetheless. I do that two days a week, and will continue to do so until mid-August.

When I'm done with my internship, I will officially have my B.F.A. and THEN there will be pomp and circumstance - in my backyard! Invitations forthcoming, so save August 15th on your calendar, because if you're local, you're invited!

Thanks for all your loyalty and support these last four years, everyone!