Belated Golden Boot Ramble

I posted this on Quitnet on the actual date of my anniversary (April 6) but just decided that I wanted to post it here so that it has a more permanent home.

The Golden Boot is the virtual award given upon the two-year anniversary of smoking cessation on the Quitnet website. Quitnet (known as "The Q" to its members) is not a daily part of my life anymore, but it was instrumental in the early days of my quit. Those of you who've known me for a while know that I've struggled with tobacco addiction pretty much my entire life. You've been through several quits and quit attempts with me. But here's what I wrote about this one:

My Golden Boot Ramble
From DeedeeRedux on 4/6/2010 9:58:43 PM

I don't come here very often anymore. I don't need to most days. But I wanted to share this with you, because it really does mean a lot to me to be able to slip my Golden Boot on and tell you about it.

I'm looking down and thinking, "am I really wearing this?" It's just a figure of speech, of course; the "Golden Boot" is just like the other "prizes" in Quitnet - the bracelet, the big kid pants, the T-shirt, et cetera. But it nevertheless represents a milestone I never, ever, EVER thought I would reach: TWO YEARS of smoke-free living.

I started smoking when I was 12. Not kidding. Twelve years old. My first quit attempt was at 18, and I lasted one day. Maybe two, I don't remember now. But I remember thinking, "the hell with this. I can't do it." I was a PROUD smoker, a DEFIANT smoker. If I walked into a restaurant and there were no smoking tables available, I went someplace else. Seriously, I was a serious, loyal, proud, and dedicated smoker. I loved my cigarettes.

My next quit attempt wouldn't come for another 10 years. At 28 I decided to get a handle on it once more, and I quit for 37 days. Then I tried again at 33. Lasted about two months. Tried again at 34. Lasted 11 months. I was so close to my one year and I slipped. Just one cigarette, but that's all it really takes. Stayed quit after that for another five months. I spent the next two years being an on-again, off-again smoker. Sometimes I'd go for a week or two, then I'd have one or two or an entire pack in a weekend, and it just didn't seem to be going away. And, yes, I was here on the Q most of that time.

Two years ago today, I was driving home from an early morning shift. It was around 10:00 in the morning, it was a Sunday, and I'd been feeling kind of crappy. I had a cold, a cough, and had seen the doctor that previous Friday and he'd put me on antibiotics for bronchitis. I lit a cigarette, and managed to smoke about half of it before I decided it was ridiculous. It was actually painful to inhale. I threw the cigarette out the window, promised myself I'd quit the next chance I got, and continued home. I didn't know it then, but I'd just made good on my promise.

That night, I felt worse and worse, and I started feeling really, really tight in my chest (I have asthma). I grabbed my inhaler and took a hit. No go. Got up and went to the bedroom and hooked myself up to the nebulizer. Again, didn't help. I was getting worse, in fact. Finally after about an hour of trying to get through it, it became apparent that I was about to have a full-blown major attack. I needed medical attention. By the time I got myself to the hospital, I was in serious distress. I was moving so little air, my fingers and toes were turning blue. They took my O2 sats, and I was at 86% and falling. My peak flows were practically non-existent. If you know anything about asthma, you know this is pretty bad. I ended up staying in the hospital for four days. Four days out of work, off from school...four days trapped between the same four walls hooked up to IV steroids and antibiotics, an O2 cannula strapped on my face...

They asked me, "Do you smoke?" and I said, "Not anymore." They asked, "how long ago did you quit," and I answered, "um...a couple of weeks?" Obviously I lied, but I felt like an ass for smoking. Meanwhile, there was a fresh pack of Parliaments in the car.

Now? Now I don't feel like an ass. I've got a frickin' GOLDEN BOOT on my foot, folks. I've since had one other attack, and when they said, "Do you smoke," I held my head up, and said, "NOT ANYMORE!" and when they asked, "how long ago did you quit?" I could say, a couple of YEARS!"

That's right. Two years.

And if you think you can't do it, if you can't see the benefits, let me tell you what they are. I smell incredible. And by that I mean I smell like my shampoo, my body wash, and my chewing gum, and not like stale cigarettes. And I SMELL better, meaning my nose picks up scents I didn't know existed until recently. Sometimes it's not always the best thing, lol. But holy cow, it's really something. Tastes? Everything tastes better. I thought there was a marginal improvement at first, but now two years in, stuff is so much more flavorful. Amazing.

Did you know that smoking affects your eyes? Since I quit smoking my prescription has not gotten worse, it's actually improved. My old glasses are too strong!

I can go anywhere in the world and not have to worry about when I'm going to have my next cigarette. I flew to Japan last summer, and it was such a difference from when I'd flown to Ireland a few years before. The flight to Japan was TWICE as long, yet I remember my flight into Dublin being racked with cravings and anxiety. My flight into Osaka was relaxed, laid-back, and devoid of any anxiety. I didn't immediately seek a smoking area the second I landed. The customs process was so much less stressful!

But anyway, I'm rambling. I know. Isn't that what you're supposed to do when you hit a big milestone like this?

My advice to you newbies - don't stop quitting. Just keep going. Despite all the positives, I did some damage that can't be reversed. My lungs are scarred from the asthma, the bronchitis, etc. If I'd quit while I was ahead, I'd probably be okay. I struggle with my weight because of the steroids. So for anyone who thinks quitting will make them gain weight, it's nothing compared to the weight gain when you have to be pumped full of prednisone and Advair to keep your lungs from taking a crap. Gain the five or ten pounds. It'll come off eventually. A lifetime of steroids is a whole other ball of wax. Don't go there. Just quit.

And if anyone needs some ass-kicking, just give me a shout. 'Cause not only will I do it, I can now do it with a GOLDEN FRICKIN' BOOT on.

Rock on with your bad selves, and KTQ!!!!!

Deedee
2 years smoke-free
$4000 richer
and 2 months 23 days longer for this world.