Enough, please!

"Fallin' in love is such an easy thing to do,
but there's no guarantee that the one you love
is gonna love you."
-Aaron Neville

I am SO damn frustrated right now, I can't even think straight. I don't know why I do this to myself, but I continually fall for men I can't have. Why? Why? WHY?! And then when I meet one I could have, he's gotta have some dealbreaking trait?

And why do people INSIST upon blasting me for my standards? If one more guy decides to tell me I'm missing out on his great self because he has a kid (kids are a dealbreaker for me), I'm going to go out of my mind.

Look, there are some very special kids in my life. My 2-year-old niece is awesome. My friend Jenn's 3-year old, Maeve, is just about the coolest kid you could ever meet, and I love her to pieces. I'm an honorary aunt to Caitin and Kevin, Sofia, Elizabeth, and surely more to come (in fact there are two more on the way as I write this). But I do NOT want children of my own. It's a choice I have made based on the fact that I am irresponsible, immature, selfish, and prone to wanderlust. I have enough to handle with my pets; for me to take on the responsibility of a child would be the most irresponsible, unfair thing I could ever do to another human being. Therefore, I have a rule about dating men with kids. I won't do it.

I hate that people push this issue with me. When explaining my standards, there are people who will actually tell me that they're too high, that I should lower them if I want to "catch" a man. What they're failing to understand is that a man who does not meet my "high" standards is someone I don't deem worth catching anyway. It's not like I'm asking a lot. I don't care about his car or his bank account or his job. I care that he can drive, that he's not on a loan shark's hitlist, and that he has some source of income that isn't going to land him in jail. There are others, too, concerning education and hygeine, but the big one is kids. He simply cannot have any.

I have very little free time. Practically everything I do needs to be scheduled, sometimes down to the very minute. When I finally do get some downtime, if I have a significant other, I would like to spend it with him. If he's got custody of the kid that weekend, guess what? There goes my time. What if I decide I want to pack up and move halfway across the country? Can't do that if there are kids involved. Part of him will always be attached to his ex, the mother of his kids, and holidays are stressful enough without having to listen to him fight with her over who gets the kids for Christmas. I don't want them with me, that's for sure, so he gets to fight with me, too. Or even just a Friday night movie - god, it's been so long since I've been taken out on an actual date...just imagine my reaction at the news "sorry, I have to cancel - Emily is sick and my ex-wife has to work..."

Bottom line is that I would rather be alone than spend time with someone who can't give me 100% of his attention. If that makes me a selfish bitch, then I stand guilty as charged.

I'm going to go beat my head against the wall now.

Blar. Oh, but I've lost 28 pounds. Go me.