Sister Marylin

57x365
I wonder if you knew that I only took your CCD class because it gave me an excuse to get out of school early on Mondays. Even still, I thought you were pretty cool, as nuns go

P.F.

56x365
I kept you a closely guarded secret, content to leave things as they were. You’re the one who had to go and complicate things. It wouldn’t have been so bad if you weren’t such a damn liar.

A brief departure; New Year's musings

So I've gotten so caught up in the x365 project that I haven't really posted any regular entries lately. I hadn't thought too much about it, really, and then earlier today I realized that I've got a ton of stuff on my mind and should probably get it out before it makes me too crazy. So, for those of you who've gotten used to stopping in for the latest installment in the x365 series, I apologize. But maybe you'll still be entertained anyway.

Part of why I decided to do the x365 was because it's amazing to me sometimes how people come in and out of our lives. Everyone comes in - or goes out - for a reason, and everyone affects us one way or another. It might be a positive or a negative effect, a large or small impact, a long-lasting or fleeting impression...whatever the outcome, they are/were/will be part of us for a reason. We are nobody to question WHY they are there, only to appreciate them while they are.

But that wasn't really the point of this entry; in fact I wanted to depart as fully from the x365 as possible, and yet...I want to talk about people. And timing. And love.

Have you ever been in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or maybe it's the right place but the wrong person. Or the right person but the wrong time. I know I'm waxing philosophical and perhaps being a little cryptic here, but I'm going somewhere with it, I promise. Just bear with me - this is a blog, of course, and in my blog I sort my thoughts.

Since moving back to Buffalo, I feel like my life has more purpose than ever before. I'm more grounded, my relationships are more solid, I have more direction, and my head is a little clearer. The move has proven to be a cleansing of sorts - my head, my heart, my soul...it all feels a little cleaner these days. And yet there is so much more work to be done.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2007. I will spend it working, after which I'm dragging out a new friend who just moved here. Whether he's going to feel truly up to celebrating remains to be seen. I mean, it is the end of a year that hasn't been very kind to the guy, so it could go one of a couple ways, I suppose.

I have, in recent years, sort of shunned the idea of getting drunk on New Year's Eve. Yes, I know, it's a surprising concept that someone who never needs an excuse to get drunk would actually shy away from doing so on an occasion where it's expected. But yeah, I haven't been drunk on New Year's Eve in years. Not since Chicago, in fact. And even then it was in the earlier part of the century. Like, 2002 maybe? I don't really remember. I think what happened there was that there were a few times I'd had to close where I was working New Year's Eve and then open the next day, and so I couldn't go out. And then it struck me somewhere along the way that starting the new year without a hangover was actually a good thing. So I ran with it.

But this year...this year I think I'm going to drink. Why? Because I can. And because I want to. And because I have a lot to toast - a lot to celebrate as well as a lot to put to rest. This has been a hell of a year. Not a bad one, per se, but full of a lot of growth, revelation, realization, and limit-pushing. Looking back, however, I certainly wish I'd done more. And so now looking forward to 2008, I know what I need to do. And I have since dubbed 2008 My Best Year Ever.

This is, in fact, my one and only resolution: to make 2008 the best year of my life so far. I'm not going to itemize or make a list of resolutions to tick off as I accomplish them, because that never works. What ends up happening when I do this is I sit here on December 31st and go, "well, I didn't lose those last 50 pounds, I didn't save up X amount of dollars, and I never did get the dining room painted." So all I'm doing this year is promising myself that I will do whatever it is I need to do to live my life as fully and happily as possible. Yes, I will take an inventory of sorts as a launching point. I will finish losing my weight. I will eat healthier and exercise more. I will learn to recognize when love means letting go and that meaningful relationships don't happen overnight. Yes, I will save up more money, take that trip to Japan, and paint the fucking dining room. The hallway and the living room are on the docket, too. But really what I need to do is get myself to a place - a spiritual, emotional, and intellectually fulfilling place - where this stuff will happen because it's the right place at the right time. And everything else will follow.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Frauke

55x365
You were half German, half Iroquois, stunningly gorgeous, and you had a terrifically interesting name. Everyone loved you, and you were funny as hell. I still have that picture of you with the Killer Dustbuster at Bells.

Ralph the Dishwasher

54x365
I tried to feel sorry for you, but you creeped me out. Were you really so hungry that you had to eat the discarded food on the dirty plates, the melted ice cream, the half-eaten burgers? Gross.

Ashvin

53x365
You would’ve been more fun if you’d just loosened up a little. Yeah, you were intelligent, but sometimes I just wanted to talk about stupid stuff or watch something dumb. Not everything has to be picked clean.

April

52x365
I always thought you were the smarter, more grounded one. Conversations with you were much more substantial. I also liked you because, unlike your roommate, you were completely comfortable with yourself and didn’t whine about superficial crap.

Luci

51x365
I’m pretty sure the nail in my coffin was the email you intercepted…you know, that one where I compared you to Lois Griffin from “Family Guy.” You have to admit, though, it was a pretty fair comparison.

Frank Russo

50x365
You made all of our lives miserable. We were just college kids, dude, not the Brooklyn thugs you were so used to chasing. We just wanted to have some fun. You took it all way too seriously.

Kathy

49x365
You were one of the cool girls, popular and pretty, part of “The Court.” How ridiculous that was. You handed me the knife that I stuck in #48’s back, and then you turned on me. Manipulative bitch.

Amy R.

48x365
We met in seventh grade and everyone made fun of you, but we were friends. Then I stabbed you in the back to get in with the cool crowd. I was never so sorry in my life.

Chuck

47x365
You gave me the best haircut of my life; you didn’t try any fancy stuff, you didn’t argue, you just cut it how I wanted, and it was awesome. I should see if you’re still in business

Tammy

46x365
Remember that time we got busted smoking at camp? Silly us, thinking menthol cigarettes wouldn’t smell like smoke. Years later you came out. I always look for you in the crowd outside Ms. Kitty’s on the weekends.

Mrs. Rumpl

45x365
You were eighty years old and wore saddle shoes. You told my mom I was a troublemaker, but really I was just bored. I had no use for your alphabet lessons; I already knew how to read.

Kevin

44x365
We grew up six houses apart. I never really knew you, you were just Lisa’s older brother. Many years and many moves later, I bumped into you at the drugstore a block away. You’re the manager there.

Darcy

43x365
We were friends most of the time, laughing until our sides split. But sometimes you were a real witch. I guess I just sort of phased you out at some point. You work in the mall now.

Warren

42x365
You were such a fun boyfriend when you weren’t being an asshole. I think if we’d met at a different time in our lives it might have worked out. You just needed to grow up a little.

Mrs. Trombley

41x365
I remember that you were nicer than the other lunch ladies, except when kids would start messing around with the desserts. “Take the one you touch!” you’d yell. I think your daughter was friends with my mom.

Miss Romance

40x365
You scared the crap out of me. You looked like Bea Arthur, sounded like Nurse Diesel, and stood like thirteen feet tall. You died recently. The obituary said you were very active in your church. Who knew!

Michael A.

39x365
I knew you’d given up on me when you pawned me off to that class of misfits. But I’m glad I convinced you to take me back; it was fun having you like me for a change.

Kosta

38x365
You were a cocky bastard, with your Mustang and your crooked nose. So many times I wanted to punch that misogynistic smirk off your face. I laughed when your crotch rocket got stolen. You totally deserved it.

Katie S.

37x365
You had a wall of spiral curls and weird hippie parents. I liked you because you let me have your old Jordache jeans. My dad took us to see Supertramp. My mom thought you chewed too loudly.

Gail

36x365
From time to time I see a woman who looks like you, and I wonder what I would say if it actually was you. I guess my first question would be, “was it really all worth it?”

The Sara(h) Series: Sarah D.

35x365
I loved being your student and your kids’ babysitter. I was so happy when I read that you’d earned your doctorate. If memory serves correctly, your oldest is a college freshman now. Wow, do I feel old!

The Sara(h) Series: Sarah P.

34x365
I almost quit my job because of you. I went in one day prepared to stand up against you for once, but instead you announced you were leaving. My first thought was, “there really IS a god.”

The Sara Series: Sara N.

33x365
Listen, about that…I’ve watched you grow so much these last few years. You’re an amazing, strong person, and you should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you and what you’ve become. And you make me laugh.

The Sara Series: Sara E.

32x365
You are truly a beautiful person. I enjoy hanging out with you and think maybe we should do that more often. Only maybe with a little less vodka next time – and without the wetting of the pants.

The Sara(h) Series: Sarah I.

31x365
One of these weekends I’m gonna make it up to Connecticut to visit you. We always have so much fun together, and it’s been too long since I last saw you (ten years)! I’ll bring the Mallocups.

The Sara Series: Sara B.

30x365
When I see how far you’ve come in the recent past, I’m filled with happiness for you. You’re much stronger than you know, and you’re finally seeing that. I am so proud to call you my friend.

Valerie

29x365
You are mainly responsible for my former front-end management career. You trained me well, and I used everything you taught me with my own employees. Sorry you had to fire me, but it was a valuable lesson.

Colleen

28x365
We piss each other off sometimes, but I still love you. I think the feeling is mutual – like when I use the wrong glass or teach your kids bad stuff. The latter, of course, is just payback.

Bill K.

27x365

You do beautiful work. I hope you didn’t think it was too forward of me to send you that note on your opening. I’m glad I got to see the show. It’s a pity that you’re married.