A brief departure; New Year's musings

So I've gotten so caught up in the x365 project that I haven't really posted any regular entries lately. I hadn't thought too much about it, really, and then earlier today I realized that I've got a ton of stuff on my mind and should probably get it out before it makes me too crazy. So, for those of you who've gotten used to stopping in for the latest installment in the x365 series, I apologize. But maybe you'll still be entertained anyway.

Part of why I decided to do the x365 was because it's amazing to me sometimes how people come in and out of our lives. Everyone comes in - or goes out - for a reason, and everyone affects us one way or another. It might be a positive or a negative effect, a large or small impact, a long-lasting or fleeting impression...whatever the outcome, they are/were/will be part of us for a reason. We are nobody to question WHY they are there, only to appreciate them while they are.

But that wasn't really the point of this entry; in fact I wanted to depart as fully from the x365 as possible, and yet...I want to talk about people. And timing. And love.

Have you ever been in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or maybe it's the right place but the wrong person. Or the right person but the wrong time. I know I'm waxing philosophical and perhaps being a little cryptic here, but I'm going somewhere with it, I promise. Just bear with me - this is a blog, of course, and in my blog I sort my thoughts.

Since moving back to Buffalo, I feel like my life has more purpose than ever before. I'm more grounded, my relationships are more solid, I have more direction, and my head is a little clearer. The move has proven to be a cleansing of sorts - my head, my heart, my soul...it all feels a little cleaner these days. And yet there is so much more work to be done.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2007. I will spend it working, after which I'm dragging out a new friend who just moved here. Whether he's going to feel truly up to celebrating remains to be seen. I mean, it is the end of a year that hasn't been very kind to the guy, so it could go one of a couple ways, I suppose.

I have, in recent years, sort of shunned the idea of getting drunk on New Year's Eve. Yes, I know, it's a surprising concept that someone who never needs an excuse to get drunk would actually shy away from doing so on an occasion where it's expected. But yeah, I haven't been drunk on New Year's Eve in years. Not since Chicago, in fact. And even then it was in the earlier part of the century. Like, 2002 maybe? I don't really remember. I think what happened there was that there were a few times I'd had to close where I was working New Year's Eve and then open the next day, and so I couldn't go out. And then it struck me somewhere along the way that starting the new year without a hangover was actually a good thing. So I ran with it.

But this year...this year I think I'm going to drink. Why? Because I can. And because I want to. And because I have a lot to toast - a lot to celebrate as well as a lot to put to rest. This has been a hell of a year. Not a bad one, per se, but full of a lot of growth, revelation, realization, and limit-pushing. Looking back, however, I certainly wish I'd done more. And so now looking forward to 2008, I know what I need to do. And I have since dubbed 2008 My Best Year Ever.

This is, in fact, my one and only resolution: to make 2008 the best year of my life so far. I'm not going to itemize or make a list of resolutions to tick off as I accomplish them, because that never works. What ends up happening when I do this is I sit here on December 31st and go, "well, I didn't lose those last 50 pounds, I didn't save up X amount of dollars, and I never did get the dining room painted." So all I'm doing this year is promising myself that I will do whatever it is I need to do to live my life as fully and happily as possible. Yes, I will take an inventory of sorts as a launching point. I will finish losing my weight. I will eat healthier and exercise more. I will learn to recognize when love means letting go and that meaningful relationships don't happen overnight. Yes, I will save up more money, take that trip to Japan, and paint the fucking dining room. The hallway and the living room are on the docket, too. But really what I need to do is get myself to a place - a spiritual, emotional, and intellectually fulfilling place - where this stuff will happen because it's the right place at the right time. And everything else will follow.

Happy New Year, everyone.