Dating on teh interwebs

This is the first entry in a number I want to do about things I wish were simpler and/or wishing I'd lived in a previous era.

Back in the days before the internet and before one would be considered "desperate" enough to need to place an ad in the local singles section of the classifieds, there was a thing called "every day life." You'd go about your business, go to school, go to work, partake in the activities that brought you enjoyment, and somewhere within this life stuff, you'd cross paths with someone who tickled your fancy. Maybe it was that cute boy who came through your checkout line at the supermarket where you worked. Or maybe it was that attractive classmate who liked the short story you wrote in Advanced Writing Seminar. It might have even been that guy with the prematurely receding hairline who started showing up at the bar you frequented every Friday.

Whoever it was, you felt a certain "something" when they'd come around. Maybe it was the way they smiled at you when you looked at them, or maybe it was the way their eyes lit up when they saw you. Whatever it was, it made you both a little weak in the knees and wish you'd put on a nicer shirt that day.

From there you'd go out on a date, then another, and then another. A period of time would pass and you'd suddenly realize you'd spent quite a lot of that time together, and then you'd think, "hey, I really like this person!"

During this time you'd have learned about their hobbies, their habits, their quirks, and their warts. And for some reason, you stuck around. And the next thing you know, you're in a relationship. What level the relationship ascended to and how long the relationship would run its course would, naturally, depend on your level of tolerance for this person's snoring, or their secret stash of porn, or their dreadful taste in magazines, and equally on how tolerant this person was of your personality makeup...and of course it all balanced on each other's accommodation of the other's tolerance.

Eventually the relationship would blow up, die a slow, painful death, fizzle and fade, crash and burn, whatever; it would simply cease to be for one reason or another. Aaaaand then you'd bury your sorrows in a pint of ice cream and some bad movies, get back out and live your life, and sooner or later the guy who came in to fix your computer at work would strike up a conversation, and you'd discover that you both really like flea markets and B-movies, and away you'd go...

Now? It's like "designer dates." Like designer babies, where parents pick and choose their baby's traits like one might custom order a car's trim level, people can now plug in their desired traits and find someone who "fits" perfectly. Only trouble is, you can only learn so much from a profile. You can look at a photo and think, "ew, s/he's fat," or, "ugh, he likes Bruce Springsteen. FAIL!" But what you don't see is the way his eyes dance when he laughs, or the endearing way her nose crinkles in disgust at the mention of tomatoes. You can't study the grace of her hands as they flutter around a conversation, or watch as he becomes a caricature of himself while recounting his favorite funny story. You can't get a sense of nuance, of idiosyncrasies, of animation, of the lilt in her laugh, the resonance of his voice.

In other words, I'm NOT a fan of the instant partner, and fully believe in developing a friendship first, regardless of where it may end up. Some people are meant to be in your life, others are not. But you never know until you try, and what online dating does is it makes people expect others to be everything they want or it's no dice. The level of expectation has gone so high that people just brush off those who are less than perfect, who don't complete the laundry list of height, weight, eye color, and interests. And that sucks.

Whatever happened to "Boy Meets Girl" and courtship? Is it truly dead?