I Heart Brides in Flip-flops

When my sister got married nine years ago, her wedding was a 500-guest, $50,000 affair that took place in a convention center, and involved two outfits for just about everyone (of which the bride's second weighed an estimated 50 pounds from all the embellishments). It also involved a lavish Indian/American spread, two cakes, and gallons of free-flowing liquor. For four days prior, there'd been a function every day and a house party (mini-mansion party, actually) every night. The party might have continued after the wedding, for all I know. I left the morning after their wedding on a 7:00 a.m. flight, finally getting to experience what a still-drunk hangover at 30,000 feet actually felt like (highly NOT recommended). Everything about this wedding was high-class, yet beyond fun (I'm not kidding - the Punjabis can party).

This is not what my sister had envisioned her wedding to be like. At all. Not just the cultural aspect, but the expense of it. It was truly over the top, and coming from the modest means we did, it was a little intimidating at times. But they got married this way because my brother-in-law's parents paid for it. At one point, they were ready to elope to Antigua because my sister just couldn't take the planning stage anymore - mostly because she wasn't doing most of the planning and her mother-in-law was driving her insane.

While none were as over the top as my sister's was, most of the people whose weddings I've attended have thrown relatively lavish affairs - high-budget events with a couple hundred people in attendance, a country club or four-star ballroom reception, and massive flower arrangements. There were some lower-budget ones, too, but still semi-formal events with DJs and open bars. And in just about every case, the parents had thrown down for the wedding.

Then for a while, the weddings tapered off and stopped altogether. I managed to go four years, in fact, without having to go to one. Now it's starting up again. But this time around I'm noticing a trend - the casual reception has become the thing to do. It could very well be that my friends are now older and are footing the bill themselves and/or feel silly putting on a big fairytale show near mid-life. But I've seen this trend with younger couples as well. I did some research, and found that the wedding industry is taking a huge hit during this economic crunch.

The next wedding I am attending is my cousin's, and if his fiancee's shower was any indication (um, catered sit-down lunch?), this is not a casual affair. But a large number of people I know getting married this year are doing it small; they're keeping guest lists limited to closest friends and family and having receptions in unlikely places like park pavilions and backyards, with "open bars" consisting of coolers filled with canned beer and soft drinks, h'ors d'oeuvres of cheese and crackers, and dinner being sit-wherever-you-want buffets with games of kan-jam going on in the background. The bride wears a (not white) sundress and the groom is in a Hawaiian shirt. The flowers are already growing where the party is.

Now guess which one I like best. Guess which one I think brings out the best in people and eliminates the discomfort of figuring out which fork to use. Guess which one is more likely a true celebration and not just a show. Guess which one I'm going to do if I ever get married (not likely, but still...). I'm not knocking big weddings, not at all. I've enjoyed myself at every wedding I've ever been to, and hell, I like eating gourmet food from time to time. But I also like how it's becoming more socially acceptable to have picnic food, and to be creatively budget-conscious while still throwing a hell of a fun party to celebrate a marriage. Because, after all, isn't that what it's all about?