Jesse

338x365
Bullshit artists are bad enough. Bad, cocky ones are the worst. Your mother isn’t in the Guinness Book as the oldest menstruating woman alive, and I bet she’d be mortified to know you’re telling people she is.

D.Y.

337x365
You were a pathological liar with a sweating problem; older, overweight, and constantly and desperately hitting on anything with a pulse. I tried to be friends with you, but you just annoyed the shit out of me.

Andrew

336x365
I harbor this weird little crush on you, though you’re totally NOT my type. You probably think I’m just being nice, though. And maybe I am. But I would definitely say yes if you asked me out.

"Venti Guinness Latte"

335x365
We all hate you. The only reason you’re allowed in is because we have different management now, but don’t get too comfortable. You’re a racist, an asshole, and a creep; we’ll get you re-banned sooner or later.

Malka

334x365
Did you know that your husband refers to you as “El Groucho?” You always look at me suspiciously ever since that day he complimented my eyes. Believe me, lady, you’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about there.

Yosef

333x365
You’ve heard “stereotypes exist for a reason,” right? Way to perpetuate yours, with your constant haggling and your incessant attempts to get something for nothing. Honestly, it’s tiring and downright rude. It’s Starbucks, not a street market.

Vic

332x365
What man breaks up with his girlfriend because her mom has cancer? Having to be nice to you at Starbucks SUCKS. We should have a rule that we’re allowed to be rude to friends’ jerky asshole exes.

Bob

331x365
Please don’t break S’s heart. I think you’re really cool (even though you were mean to me once). She’s really into you. You make her happy. Please don’t ruin it; she deserves to be cherished by someone.

Andrea O.

330x365
I hope we’ll stay in touch after I graduate next year. You’re a great person and a wonderful teacher. I feel like you’re really going to be able to help me navigate the world of Deaf Services.

Tommy Manzi

329x365
I was hoping you’d be at last night’s show, but I didn’t know if managers actually travel with the band, so I didn’t ask. But thanks so much for hooking me up. Further evidence that Cake rules.

Louis

328x365
I didn’t pick you for any other reason than you were sitting closest to me. Your girlfriend seemed pissed at first, but hopefully I made it clear that I was addressing the entire group, not just you.

SPCA Lady

327x365
I could understand if you’d confused a rat for a mouse, but you seriously thought Phyllis was a guinea pig? I should tell everyone I have 13 guinea pigs instead of rats and see how reactions differ.

John E.

326x365
I’m completely convinced there’s nothing you can’t do. Honestly, I’ve not had one class with you where you didn’t kick serious ass. Your future is very, very bright, kid. I’ll know you’ll do great things with it.

George Foreman

325x365
I know I’ve never met you, but I just want to say that your grill is like the best fucking thing ever. I’m kicking myself for not having bought one earlier. I mean, I actually cook now.

Ke

324x365
You were this quiet little Asian kid who worked hard, loved his sporty import ride, and drank a lot of milk. Now you’re all built up and not so quiet, but everything else is still the same.

Tall five-sugar latte

323x365
Why are you always so rude? Is it because you know we still, four years later, screech hysterically about the time your tube top fell down? You know Ke is scarred for life because of that incident.

William "18 pump raspberry latte"

322x365
You order so much sugar in your beverage that I often think we should make you sign a waiver. No wonder you’re so miserable – your blood sugar is probably off the charts.

Sara Parsons

321x365
I’m so psyched to have an astrological compatriot at work. Maybe my behavior will make a little more sense to everyone now that there are two (or four, if you want to get technical) of us there.

Kacey

320x365
Remember how you used to be really uptight and how we used to not get along? I’m glad those days are over, because hanging out with you is fun, even if we don’t do it very often.

Ron G.

319x365
They started not scheduling us on the same shift because we were so obnoxious together. But I couldn’t help it; you brought out my inner 10-year-old. I’m psyched for you that your band is doing so well.

Dave M.

318x365
That you stood up for me when I was being railroaded spoke volumes about your character, even if you were a pain in the ass to work with sometimes. Thanks for all those awesome back rubs, too.

Patti D.

317x365
I like you so much better than Lisa. I’m still slightly afraid of you because you’re the DM (and as such can tank my job if you want), but you’re much more approachable than she ever was.

Patty R.

316x365
At first I wasn’t sure how we’d get along, but I think being the same age has worked to our advantage. I like that you treat me like I know what I’m doing. Because, well, I do.

Katie

315x365
You’re like the nicest lady ever, but you evidently haven’t taken a shower in years. Is the weird crusty skin thing the reason you don’t bathe, or is not bathing causing the weird skin thing? You stink!

Trash Guy

314x365
Why are you an asshole? I never caused you any trouble, yet you’ve thrown away two of my city totes, one galvanized can, and two recycling bins. What the hell? What did I ever do to you?

Margaret P.

313x365
You’re mid-fifties but look 40. You’d think elementary teachers would age faster, but maybe those kids keep you young. Maybe your husband bought you some of that youthful glow. Either way, you’re beautiful and I like you.

H.S.

312x365
You don’t seem to have much to say to me these days. I thought we were friends, but maybe you’re tired of me. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. I’ll try not to take it personally.

JP

311x365
I used my ID card to get into the studio. I logged in with a BSC password. I mentioned Advertising files on my desktop. Then you asked if I’m a student here. And they pay you money?

Danyell W.

310x365
You’ve always rubbed me the wrong way. You’re weird, you never smile, you’re kind of rude, and you’ve got a small army of kids. But someone must like you, because you’re pregnant with your sixth one now.

Norah E.

309x365
You can turn literal rags into cute ensembles, taking “Bohemian Chic” to a whole new level. I wish I could get away with some of the outfits you put together, but youth is not on my side.

Tim Shields

308x365
You were adopted and looked so much like Peter Brady we joked that you were Christopher Knight’s illegitimate son. I put steak knives with the butter knives just to annoy you, but you were a good roommate.

Sarah Mills

307x365
You were an insufferably depressed, messy, immature roommate. You moved out by throwing your trash-bagged belongings out your bedroom window. At least we got a laugh out of it when Alex crapped in your empty room afterwards.

Booch

306x365
Your mom was unsympathetic to your financial plight until she found out you had no cigarettes. Two days later a carton of Winstons arrived in the mail. You were from “Medfehd” and were the funniest roommate ever.

Bartender at the Pink

305x365
I came in night after night, alone, and I’d sit quietly nursing my beer, thinking and people watching. You always gave me good service and something nice to look at, and I secretly nicknamed you “Captain Youngbeard.”

Alex M.

304x365
Of all my friends’ husbands, you’re my favorite. Easy-going, comfortable company, you’re an amazing husband and father to two people I hold very dear. That makes you more than just Jenn’s husband; you’re my friend as well.

Michael G.

303x365
You are immensely fucking creepy. Do you know how it looks when you constantly meet young boys in our parking lot? We call you “The Pedophile.” I shudder to think that our speculations are true. OMG. Yuck.

Steve H.

302x365
You’re a fantastic neighbor, but when I’m hurrying off to work I don’t have time to chit-chat. I just hope you understand I’m not blowing you off – I’m trying not to be late. Again … nothing personal.

Nancy H.

301x365
Not only do I have that privacy thing, my house is always a disastrous mess, which is why I’ve never in five years invited you or anyone else on our street to come inside. It’s nothing personal.

Anne V.

300x365
I know I might seem unfriendly. I’m not. I am, however, a private person and don’t ascribe to the whole "Mi Casa Su Casa" open-door mentality. Blame my mother for never letting me lock my bedroom door.

Brian

299x365
You’ve been around much longer than usual this time. Does this mean you’re out of jail for good? I hope so. You’re really nice to look at, although a little shifty and difficult to talk to sometimes.

Jill K.

298x365
I miss having you for a neighbor. It was so nice having someone close to my age living nearby, and that summer we spent talking and drinking on my porch was one of my favorite summers ever.

Erica S.

297x365
There must be some sort of cosmic connection that makes us keep running into each other in random places at odd times. It’s hilarious, albeit a little weird. Maybe we should collaborate on a project or something.

Steve S.

296x365
I'm loath to judge so hastily, but man … you’re an asshole. I know you think you’re funny, but you’re mostly condescending and sarcastic. Considering I’ve been called such myself, you’re not so hot in my book.

K.A.

295x365
If I ever commit some really heinous crime, I’m going to blame it on having to repeatedly listen to that laugh. Honestly, it makes me want to stab myself in the eardrum and throw something at you.

Joe

294x365
How can you not like a guy who wears a “Stop Plate Tectonics” t-shirt? I confess, however, that your ramblings about 8-bit servers, mayonnaise, and Dennis Kucinich can be a bit trying if my mood isn’t there.

Pam

293x365
You're brilliant and wickedly talented – a pioneer on the Buffalo music scene, a retro diva, and an all-around awesome lady. I'm glad we're friends, though I am feeling kind of guilty for being so absent this summer.

David P.

292x365
You were funny, brilliant, and my favorite after Joan (sorry, she was there all four years). We both lived in Chicago later on, but despite initial efforts never actually ended up getting together. Funny how time flies.

Colleen Coniglio

291x365
Sometimes I fantasize about getting a doctorate in English. If I do, I’m going to look you up and tell you. Why? Because you were the only English teacher I ever had who gave me rotten grades.

Mrs. Auer

290x365
I don't remember much about you, other than your name rhymed with lots of other words like "tower," "shower," "hour," "sour," and "flower." We invented little songs utilizing all these words, and you were cool with it.

Arnold D.

289x365
You were always the tallest kid in the class by at least a head. I’ll never forget the year you came to my house on Halloween and told my mom you were dressed as a “Cowboy. Urban.”

Cherie T.

288x365
You’re another one who was on a fast track to early death, jail, or the streets. Wild beyond your years, I’m guessing you ended up pregnant and living in a trailer before you could finish high school.

Shaanen

287x365
You were so cute and everyone loved you, and even the teachers cut you extra slack…but you were such a fuckup. Lori and I both agree that if you’re still alive, you’re probably in jail or rehab.

Lori

286x365
You’re another one from deep in my past. I didn’t know you personally then, but I like that we’ve connected over mutually separate memories and speculation about what happened to all those losers from our Allendale days.

Alicia

285x365
I often wait on people I used to know– mostly high school friends and acquaintances. But holy crap, you and I rode the bus together in elementary school. You definitely win the “blast from the past” award.

CJ

284x365
It might shut them up and make them happy, but all that fast food you feed your kids is going to cause big problems. It already is for the oldest one – she’s getting really fat. Poor kid.

Jilda

283x365
I’d like to hang out with you because you seem like someone I’d really get along with, but I feel weird just being like, “Hey! Let’s be friends!” Making new friends at our age is awkward sometimes.

Lizard

282x365
I knew the first time I saw you plow through a group of rich kids that we needed to be friends. I really miss you sometimes. But I hope wherever you are, you’re keeping my seat warm.

Maureen (aka Mabean)

281x365
You were the first disabled person I knew. You taught me a lot, but mostly I dug rollerskating up and down your ramp. I always wanted to ride on your wheelchair, but your dad wouldn’t let us.

Reynolds

280x365
You were the coolest old guy, with your tea and your hat and your Spanish books. I could sit and talk to you for hours about life, love, and lilies. I wonder where you are these days.

Matthew D.

279x365
You’re in college, the same age I was when I first had your mom as a professor. Another couple years and you’ll be the same age I was when I started babysitting you. Color my mind blown.

Elizabeth D.

278x365
I found you on Facebook and couldn’t believe that you’re in high school already. I thought about writing, but since you wouldn’t remember me, I thought it might be creepy. So I wrote to your brother instead.

Byron Brown

277x365
Go ahead, write to Forbes contesting our position on their list of fastest dying cities, but fix the problems that put us there, too! Be a better mayor and you won’t have to write so many letters.

K.O.

276x365
Your stories are outrageous and a symptom of deeper issues. Yeah, I know, I’m a notorious storyteller, too, but the big difference is that my stories are actually true. And I’ve got fifteen years on you, besides.

Larry

275x365
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re just being a nice guy or if you’re flirting with me. Don’t think I haven’t entertained the thought if the latter is the case, but you’re not really my type.

Nabiha

274x365
You’re another one who just can’t get into the art of being consistently nice to customers. I always smile and say hello, but most of the time you make me feel guilty for coming through your line.

Tim at the bank

273x365
I stopped using the drive-up window because walking looked painful for you. But even when I come inside you make that face like I’m ruining your day just by existing. Maybe that’s just how you always look?

Bonita

272x365
For the longest time I’d never really thought of you as anything but Greg’s girlfriend. And to be honest, I had always figured you to be aloof. I’m glad I got to find out I was wrong.

Nicole T.

271x365
Two years ago you were miserable and had practically given up on almost everything. Today you’re a homeowner and a bride-to-be. I’m thrilled for you! However, it's hard for me not to say, “I told you so!”

Tiffany N.

270x365
While I’m really happy for you that you found a great new job, I’m sad that you’re moving, because I liked you; and I’m angry at this city for not making it more attractive to your generation.

Indian lady at Detroit airport

269x365
Why me? I love Indian people, but you were trying my post-flight patience; demanding change, following me around, asking me questions I couldn’t answer. I had to just tell you to get the hell away from me.

Sally

268x365
No surprise that someone who’s both a comedienne and an English teacher would be one of my best friends. I wish you weren’t so far away; visiting you reminded me how much I miss having you around.

David from Kentucky

267x365
Under different circumstances, I’d enjoy snuggling up with a big Southern beefcake. But we were on an 11-hour flight, I was exhausted and cranky, and you were totally invading my personal space. Still…I wonder if you’re single.

Shopkeeper lady in Ueno

266x365
I’m not sorry for trying on the visor, and I'm not sorry I pissed you off, but I am sorry that Sally didn’t get a photo of you swatting me and chasing me out of your shop.

Don

265x365
Please don’t be insulted by my “great guy to take me all over the world” comment. I didn’t mean to trivialize your Japanese life experience, but I realized afterwards that it might have come off that way.

Risa

264x365
I’m glad you were visiting next door. It made for a nice, even-numbered group, and your translations were certainly appreciated. You’re pretty interesting, and I just wish we’d hung out more. I wanted to know about Oman.

Foreigner at Hiroshima Museum

263x365
You did realize that we were in a museum, right? Maybe they do it differently where you’re from, but I’m pretty sure it’s universally expected that you’re not supposed to let your kid run around smacking exhibits.

Peter

262x365
Your coworkers, colleagues, and even perfect strangers make fun of you. They do it in part because they’re insulted that you honestly think you’re fooling them, but really, you’re only fooling yourself - and maybe your clueless “girlfriend.”

Flight Attendant Cheryl

261x365
Thank you for being so sympathetic and pulling strings to move my seat. I don’t even want to imagine how having to climb over that drunk, crotchety old prick every hour for 13 hours would’ve gone over.

RM

260x365
With your older, wealthy husband, your well-mannered children, your BMW sport utility, and your house in “Old” Williamsville, you sure are the picture of upstanding citizenship, aren’t you? I laugh because I knew you twenty years ago.

Tracy W.

259x365
Why did we fight that time? We didn’t even hate each other. It was all for some stupid girl alliance. And my dad was pissed – not that I’d gotten into a fight, but that I didn’t win.

Jenny R.

258x365
When we were little, your face was always dirty. You sounded like Peppermint Patty and smelled like poverty. Last time I saw you, we were 19, and you were living with some older guy in South Buffalo.

Maura D.

257x365
I wasn’t very popular to begin with, but when I transferred after fifth grade, you were waiting and ready to pounce. You made my life hell for three years, but then you went to Mount Mercy. Hahaha.

Clark

256x365
I want to like you, but conversations are difficult because you don’t seem to know much about anything. For example, you’re a musician, yet you’d never even heard of Mohawk Place?! Do you live in a cave?

Bev

255x365
It’s been a couple years now since the email mishap. I think I subconsciously stay away because I still feel a twinge of embarrassment about it. I will not, however, admit to being wrong in my opinion.

Aimee

254x365
It’s hard when you know something about someone and share a common denominator, but can’t mention it - particularly when it involves a mutual acquaintance. I can’t go there, so I just smile when I see you.

Off to the Land of the Rising Sun...

Hey folks!
In just a few hours I'll be heading to the airport for my trip to Japan! I've been up all night in an attempt to thwart jet lag and to help me sleep on the *gulp* 13-hour flight. Oh, and in true Deedee fashion, I'm still packing, too. I hope I make some semblance of sense.

I won't have a whole lot of access to my email while I'm there, but fear not - there will be x365 entries nonetheless. Blogger has a great feature that lets you schedule posts out as far as you want, so I've written a few to cover at least the next few days while I settle in, and then will post as often as I'm able to while I'm away.

Just a couple of updates while I'm posting a non-x365 entry...

The book I've been illustrating for the last few months (we ended up pushing the deadline waaaaay out because of my various roadblocks like malfunctioning lungs and demolished car) is finally, finally done and, barring any major revisions, is being assembled in the very near future. (See below for the cover illustration - the layout and colors may change, but the illustration will remain the same). It should be available for purchase sometime in September...oooooh....just in time for early Christmas shopping! More details as they become available. And yes, of course I'll autograph your copy. ;-)

My doctor gave me a clean bill of health today - well, as clean as it's gonna be under the current circumstances. I put on a lot of weight in a short amount of time recently, thanks to Prednisone, which is like the anti-Christ of medications. I can't believe they haven't come up with anything better by now. Anyway, after swelling up like a balloon for several weeks and then spending a few hours in the ER last week (and a few hundred dollars, I'm sure), and having been given every possible test on the planet, there's nothing wrong with me. Well, aside from the obvious, of course. Dr. O was concerned that my heart might be failing, since the edema has typically been accompanied by chest pains and shortness of breath, but apparently it's all tied in with my weight and my asthma. But I'm not dying. So that's good.

I've decided to drop down to part time in school after this next semester. I was supposed to graduate next spring, but I'm finding it more and more difficult to juggle several upper-level classes and a paying job along with freelance projects. Plus, the loan money is running out, haha. Oh well. At least now I have more time to study for the GRE.

Okay, well...that'll do it for now. Gotta get back to packing. If anyone's dying for something in particular from Japan, email me and let me know!

Love,
D2

Lisa at TJ Maxx

253x365
You know, the Gryffindor track jacket, argyle socks, silly haircut, and funky shoes would’ve been cute if you’d had the personality to go with them. Alas, you were a bitch, so the outfit didn’t work at all.

Cheryl W.

252x365
He kept calling you his “fiancée,” so naturally I was curious as to when you two were getting married. I laughed so hard when you rolled your eyes and said, “never.” Like I said…my kind of people.

John M.

251x365
I don’t know why. I don’t know you. And yet…I feel like we should be friends. I think it’s probably the “we’d rather have dogs than kids” thing, but I definitely think you’re my kind of people.

Vanessa

250x365
Your roommate was icky, and mine was in a coma, so you moved in with me. What a weird combo, the hippie and the pink-haired punk. But we got along, even though your townie boyfriend annoyed me.

Jennifer

249x365
We spent that whole summer planning our dorm room. I couldn’t wait to meet you, my first college roommate. But you never came. They eventually told me you’d wrapped yourself around a pole a few days before.

Jon H.

248x365
For three days I thought you were among the dead. When I heard your voice on the other end, I cried buckets of relief. Weird how we lost touch after that. I think I’ll look you up.

Jeff Barone

247x365
I was glad you came along, because with your plaid pants, thick glasses, and greasy hair, you took the dork spotlight off me for a while. At least I didn’t walk around going “Hoyahoyahoya” all the time.

Brian English

246x365
Sorry, I’d spent years as the odd one out, and it had to be someone else’s turn for a while. And for what it’s worth, it didn’t help my cause at all. I was still a loser.

Miss Sinnott

245x365
I didn’t mean any disrespect when I sang the Solo Meal commercial jingle at you that time. I was six. I thought it was funny. You made my first grade a living hell, and I hated you.

Roger

244x365
I really enjoy the Gay Men’s Chorus concerts; I just wish tickets didn’t cost so much money. I mean, really, $20 is pretty steep. We should work something out in trade. Do you brew coffee at home?

Sherry

243x365
I was really surprised when I first realized who you were, but it’s heartening to know that even the skinniest of us have succumbed to time and gravity. Granted, you had a baby, but still…I feel better.

Kyle

242x365
You’ve told me about experiences that would have made anyone angry and bitter, but you’re like the nicest person ever. You’re one of those people that elicits a genuine, involuntary smile from me because you’re so positive.

Super High Meth Lady

241x365
You had four teeth in your entire mouth, and your voice sounded like an old man’s. That was scary enough, but then you took off your sunglasses…holy shit, I’m going to have nightmares about you for weeks.

Detoxing Bible Lady

240x365
You just sort of came out of nowhere, and now you’re a daily fixture. Usually you just sit quietly, reading and drinking water, but occasionally you’ll ask a question or – like today - comment on my sandwich.