The Charm Bracelet

Several years ago, a close guy friend of mine hooked up with a new girlfriend. This girlfriend, who quickly became my friend as well, had a sterling silver charm bracelet that I just thought was the coolest thing. Not only did I love the way it looked, how the charms caught the light and reflected it as it bounced off the various dangling faces, or how it sounded, all those silver baubles clinking against each other as she raised her hand to sip her drink or drag on her cigarette, or how each little charm had a story behind it – but I loved the idea that I had met someone for whom gift ideas would never, ever run dry. The woman wore around her wrist a sterling silver testament to everything she found important, interesting, significant, symbolic, historic, or just simply, well, charming to her. She was an optometrist and had little silver eyeglasses on the bracelet. She had her initials. She had her sign. She had little silver cats, a little horse head, a cross, a USMC insignia. She had so much stuff hanging off that bracelet, with room for more, and I thought, “I have just met the easiest person to shop for in my life!” and then I looked at that bracelet again and thought, “man, I want one of those.”

That spring, while shopping a silver jewelry website for a charm for her birthday, I started eying the bracelets and the charms, and briefly entertained the notion of buying one for myself. Then I stopped and thought, “Maybe if I mention it to enough people, someone will get one for me!” It had worked with the engraved Zippo a few years earlier, so I figured it had to work for this, too. To me, it just seemed like something you don’t buy for yourself – it’s a “gifty” kind of thing. And besides, it would make shopping for me that much easier for the rest of my natural life! Stumped? Hey, just get me a charm!

So that night I told my boyfriend. Then I said something to my sister. Then I mentioned it to my mom. My own birthday was coming up, so I figured maybe someone would come up with one. My birthday came and went, no bracelet. Christmas came, and I got lots of nice stuff from my mom and my sister. My boyfriend, Warren the Anti-Santa, gave me a used, broken modem, a t-shirt I'd never be caught dead wearing in public, and a little charcoal grill we’d bought earlier that year for a July 4th picnic that never happened. No bracelet.

A week before Valentine’s Day, Warren and I broke up. He still sent flowers to my office (because he’d already ordered them and forgot to cancel, apparently), but of course there was no bracelet. Three months later my birthday rolled around. No boyfriend, no bracelet. Now, I suppose I could have used the money that my mom sent and bought one for myself, but at this point I was set on getting one as a gift. See, it was like a mission now: who was going to give me The Bracelet? Then six months later, as another Christmas rolled by without one, I started thinking that maybe it was just going to have to be me.

Shortly after the new year, I met a new guy. Over the 10-month course of our relationship (which included a Valentine’s Day and a birthday), he would give me a necklace and a "promise ring" (what the fuck ever), but no charm bracelet. We broke up a month and a half before Christmas, so I knew I wasn’t getting The Bracelet from him. But there was always Mom and my sister! Alas, it didn’t happen.

I spent a good deal of time being single after that, so there was no boyfriend in the picture to fulfill my quest for The Bracelet. Then I carried on a long-distance relationship that lasted a couple of years, but he never gave me anything. Birthdays and Christmases came and went, and still my wrist remained unadorned and silent. Then last year, long-distance-guy actually asked me what I wanted for Christmas! Holy crap! This man had given me nothing over the course of our relationship. No gifts, ever. But this year he was asking! I thought, “this is my chance! I’m gettin’ The Bracelet!” I played the “oh, gee, I don’t know, let me think about it a minute” card, and then called my sister who, being the conspiratorial little imp that she is, said, “weeeelll, I could always drop him a hint if you wanted!” Later that night, she emailed him and told him about The Bracelet. She explained to him that the reason she’d never gotten me one was because it really was the sort of gift that a boyfriend should get for his girl, and not a sisterly kind of thing. Then a few days later, he asked me again for gift ideas. So I just came out with it, and said, “you know, I’ve always wanted a charm bracelet.” I thought between me and my sister there was no way he could not get me what I really wanted!

A week later, I found out he had been cheating on me for three months. Still, I sent him the gifts I’d gotten him (which in retrospect was a really dumb thing to do), and I thought maybe The Bracelet would still arrive, despite the fact that the relationship appeared to be on its way out. I thought maybe The Bracelet would be offered as a peace offering, or maybe even a break-up gift. Hey, at this point I’d take it for whatever reason!

The day the package arrived from him, I got so excited! With trembling hands, I peeled the tape off the top of the box, ripped open the flaps, and looked inside. There were two obviously hastily-wrapped gifts. In the first I found a pair of ugly gloves and a stupid-looking hat. The second gift yielded a set of windchimes. No bracelet.

The relationship became officially over on New Year’s Eve, and I’m now beginning to get back in the groove of the single life, slowly, surely, and with careful apprehension. Dating is a bitch, that’s for sure, but I’ll tell you one thing: the man I end up with is not going to be the one who has the best job, the handsomest face, the nicest body, the funniest sense of humor, the brightest future, the coolest car, the cutest smile, the sharpest wardrobe, the biggest house, the fattest wallet, or the most sexual prowess.

He’s gonna be the man who gives me that fucking bracelet.