Hijacked in England and Nearly Killed in West Seneca

Well, May is halfway over and I’ve so far made it through unscathed. Well, almost.

My ebay account got hijacked yesterday by some guy in England who’s using it to post bogus auctions for powerboats. It’s a nightmare. It took three hours online with ebay’s livechat to sort it out, and I’m still getting emails from potential buyers now. I’m so glad I took last night off to get stuff done, because the only thing I ended up doing was sitting in front of the fucking computer, messaging with Sloan from ebay. Three hours. I hope Mr. England chokes on a banger.

Then this morning, some middle-aged, pseudo-Kenny Rogers hippie on a cell phone nearly creamed me in an intersection. Just ran the light going 50 miles an hour, yakking on the phone, never even slowed down. Had I gone through a second later, I’d be toast. Or at least my car would be (and take note, gentle reader, that I’m like 3 payments away from paying it off…so if someone were to smash it up now, I might likely go to jail for assault and possibly manslaughter). I was already feeling annoyed from my commute (which was within 5 minutes of being over, mind you), and this guy just pushed me over the edge. We came to a stop at the next intersection, and I leaned out of my car and let him have it. I mean, I went off. GODDAMN STUPID MOTHERFUCKING IDIOT, GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE AND WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU’RE GOING! RED MEANS STOP YOU ASSCLOWN! GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE! PUT THE FUCKING PHONE DOWN AND DRIVE YOU STUPID SHIT!

He just waved at me, probably in recognition that he knew why I was upset, but I still felt like yelling. Of course, people in the surrounding cars were looking at me like I was a raving lunatic. And I’m okay with that because, well, sometimes I am.

The Burnout Retardation Non-Entry

In honor of Friday the 13th, when nothing is supposed to make sense anyhow.

Last week I started an entry about kids, in honor of Mothers’ Day. Then I scrapped that and started writing an entry about the hell also known as dating in Buffalo. I got sidetracked and when I went back to it, I decided it was poorly worded and atrociously structured. I scrapped that one, too. All in all, I think I dumped about six would-be entries from my cache before deciding to simply write a “non-entry.”

Bottom line, folks, is that I’m just too damn exhausted lately. You know the saying, “stop the world, I want to get off!”? Well, that’s me right now. I’m tired, my brain is fried, and I can’t even put two sentences together these days. So that’s why there have been no new posts recently. I do believe I’m suffering the effects of burnout-related retardation. I hope this passes quickly.

Duh.

*drool*

Oh Shit, it's May.

It’s May. May is supposed to be a fantastic month, full of warm weather and rebirth and rejoicing! Even in Buffalo, where you can never be sure it won’t snow next week, the energy of May is felt all over. There’s Cinco de Mayo in the beginning and Memorial Day, signaling the unofficial start of summer, at the end! Thursdays in the Square starts this month! Every weekend the roads are clogged with prom and wedding limos. The flowers are blooming, the bees are buzzing, the ice cream man starts making appearances, and the car washes are mobbed.

But for me, May is cursed. I’m not superstitious, really, but May just typically sucks.

First of all, my birthday, something which I am no longer all that excited about, falls toward the end of the month. Maybe it’s the fact that it ends with me being a year older that casts the pall over the whole month, I don’t know. But May has typically been the month from hell throughout my life. It is the month in which people die, relationships dissolve, jobs are lost, crises arise, and accidents happen. Not necessarily in that order, mind you, and not all those things always occur, but throughout the years hardly a May has gone by without at least one.

Now, you all know I’m a drama queen. I am a SHAMELESS drama queen, as I have every right to be. I spent four years and tens of thousands of dollars earning this fucking theatre degree – I’m going to use it somehow. My ASM at work likes to say “One D is for drama, one D is for diva!” He’s got that right! So maybe I do create this sort of self-fulfilling prophecy about May; I expect bad things to happen, so they do. Truthfully, it wasn’t really until about thirteen years ago, when my friend Jeff was killed two weeks before my birthday, that the pattern actually dawned on me. I started thinking about it…three boyfriends had broken up with me in previous Mays. My dog died right at the end of my freshman year of college, the second week in May...and since then I’ve had more strife in May – broken bones, job losses, weird incidents, strange illnesses, altercations with neighbors, etc.

Last year was actually pretty calm, so I’m wondering what bizarre incidents are going to go down this year. I know it sounds really morose, but I’m just going to brace for the storm and hope for the best. Maybe I should have a contest to see who can guess which tragedy is going to befall me. In the meantime I’m just going to tread lightly, watch my back, and wait impatiently for June 1st.

And has anyone noticed that this year’s May just happens to contain a Friday the 13th? Oh boy. Not that I’m superstitious. Well, okay, maybe just a little. :-)