Tardy By Nature

“I’m always running behind the time, just like this train….”
-Joni Mitchell



I was born ON my due date. Exactly on time. And, as my mother likes to point out, it was the first and only time I wasn't late for something.

I am one of those people who is perpetually and chronically late. It doesn’t matter where I’m going – I’m always late. Ever have one of those teachers in high school, maybe college, who used to say, “Honestly, some of you would be late to your own funeral!”?

*raises hand*

Well, yeah. That would be me.

Sometimes it’s because I oversleep. Sometimes it’s because I get up too early and get involved with projects that keep me occupied until well after I should be out the door. Other times it’s because I forget how idiotic the drivers are in Buffalo and how easy it is to get stuck behind some clueless assclown going 50 in the left lane on the Thruway. Sometimes it’s a matter of not really wanting to be where I’m going, so I procrastinate in a sort of passive-aggressive display of personal protest. Most of the time it’s a matter of me simply not having my shit together.

Sometimes I’m late just because I’m running late. Sometimes I start out on time but then the imaginary “Anti-Destination League” steps in and gets some guy to crash his car on the Scajaquada Expressway, or makes my dog throw up right as I’m walking out the door, or tricks me into putting on clashing shades of pink that I don’t notice until I’m out in the sunlight. There are times I think I was just born missing the part of the brain that is wired to manage time, and that my sense of space-time continuum is just screwed up. But I like to think I just march to my own beat, and, well, sometimes my metronome isn’t calibrated properly.

Most of the people in my life have gotten used to this. My mom likes to say I operate on “Deedee Time.” If my family wants me someplace at 10:00, they will tell me to be there at 9:30, because they know I’ll show up somewhere between 9:40 and 9:50. Most of my friends have learned to make “-ish” a part of their regular scheduling vocabulary with me. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has either let it drive him nuts or has learned to live with it. Truthfully, it’s not worth fighting about, it’s not worth getting upset over. I’ve tried to fix it, I really have. I’ve tried every trick I can to be on time for stuff, and it just doesn’t happen.

Now, I’m not usually THAT late – usually only about 5 or 10 minutes, give or take a few. I try really hard not to be late for things that I will disrupt with my tardiness, such as movies, classes, or meetings, and I always err on the side of early when catching a flight. But in most situations I would be considered “fashionably late.”

I guess some people just have better fashion sense than others. :-)



+++

Just as an interesting aside here, I got fired from my day job yesterday (even though my last day was supposed to be August 12th, I guess they just couldn't stand me that much). After the axe fell, I went and got most of my waist-length hair cut off to just above my shoulders. I feel refreshed and liberated, for real!

But anyway, today's horoscope:

Give yourself a break. A brief one, anyway, because if anyone deserves some downtime, it's you. You've been trying to get away from it all -- or perhaps from 'them' all -- for some time now, but your fans (AKA your family and friends) haven't been willing to let it happen. It's time for you to take matters into your own hands and let them all know only one thing: That you'll go where you want to, when you want to. It's called personal freedom, and you insist upon it.

Who says these things aren't dead on sometimes?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------