I'm not in love, so don't forget it...

Don't read too much of anything into this, dear faithful blogwatchers, it's just some weird philosophical musings while I procrastinate working on my final projects for school.

I was given the advice on one of my previous entries to "stop looking for love." And then I started thinking...Maybe I don't want love. Or maybe I do. And then I starting thinking that it would depend on one's definition of love.

Why does "love" have to be such a black-and-white thing? Why can't you love someone even if you don't want to run off and marry them or have their babies? Why does saying "I love you" strike so much fear in the hearts of so many? It's like saying it automatically evokes a sense of entitlement and attachment and commitment and forever-ness. But it shouldn't.

While some of us use the word with reckless abandon, and throw it prematurely, apathetically, or even with some twisted cruelty at people we don't really mean it for, some of us are so afraid of it that we doubt we could feel it at all. Or we start to feel it and we run away and shove it deep down inside because "oh my god, it's scary!" It's not supposed to be scary, though, it's supposed to be wonderful! Fluttering hearts and bluebirds and sunshine and rainbows and all that puke-inducing stuff. Right?

Right?

So why, when we feel so strongly about someone, when our hearts race and the bluebirds orbit our heads, are we not supposed to say we feel this way unless we are fully prepared to commit to this person? What IS it about those "three little words" that holds SO much power and control over us?

Three (and a half!) decades on this planet have shown me that "love" does not always equal happily ever after. It does not always equal a serious or lifetime commitment. If it did, I'd have been married a long time ago. So those I have loved in the past (and to this day still believe truly did love) are to be discounted because I didn't end up with them for the rest of my life? And am I to believe that they did not also love me, because our futures didn't align? And what about those who don't want to be married? Ever? Are they not allowed to love or be loved?

I love lots of people. I'm not just talking about my family (because let's face it, if you know me you know there are more people in that group who are not loved than who are). I have great friends whom I love most dearly. I love my pets to death. I love peppermint gum and little greasy pepperoni. And it's okay for me to say "I love you" to my sister, my best friend, or the slice of pizza I'm about to shove down my throat.

But if you're dating someone and those three words slip from either of your mouths at the inappropriate time or place, it's like the god damned world screeches to a halt and all hell breaks loose.

I guess we'll never know. Because I don't think anyone really knows what love is - or at least there aren't that many people willing to look at it a little more objectively, anyway.

Okay, back to my schoolwork. I love you all. :-)